Mix and a Mash

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

Gosh… it is late… and I haven’t blogged yet!

I am still totally committed to my challenge… and while I know I can give myself a get out clause, I am not that kind of person…

 

 

Today has been a real mix, mash and blend of everyone and everything.

 

Beautiful crisp, December light streaming through a low lattice window… A leisurely lie in, papers in the bed. Laughing at the Big Man in a Small Shower… Full English and rehydration sachets to see us through the morning of the night before.

 

Family craziness with dogs, cats, grandparents, hyper boys on sugar highs… soup and toasties before family hour on the sofa… snoozes and snuggles.

 

Chats with my Dad … chats with my sister… Worried about my Dad. Bronchitis has spread 250 miles south. The ‘Sandwich’ pull of guilt… if he feels as bad as I have done, I want to be there to make his hot honey and lemon and take him toast in bed. I know what it feels like… and I am half his age. Torn.

 

Family competition time at the 10 pin bowling….. Our true colours come out. Willy wanting to win and only win, cross armed until he does. James starting weak but crescendo-ing to a mighty finish. Me… consistently above average, but just not quite top.   Tom just so happy to please and enjoying taking part.

 

Family feeding frenzy at our favourite Italian. Laughter before the tears.

 

Heartbroken at Tom’s sobs when he realizes Daddy is off on the train to London. But we wave him off with loud shouts and lots of waving… lots of texting… lots of distraction with Christmas Crooners on the radio home.

 

As the boys go to bed, I Facetime my business partner, my wonderful friend and we plan and strategise how we can help everyone we know have a good healthy start to 2016, just as we have benefitted for the last 2 years…   There is nothing like a good planning session to get you on a high!

 

There is nothing like hearing an inspirational training from a serious business owner, top of her game, funny, global CEO… the power of what we have in our hands will keep me awake tonight.

This is what is going to make sure my Dad isn’t alone.

This is what is going to get Big Daddy Morts home… I don’t want to hear Tom cry for that reason again.

The power of a goal.

The power of a dream.

The power of a little boy’s cries.

Connecting & Reflecting

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

Connecting and reflecting.

First fling 1997.

10 years married 2015.

Fireside, iPad Christmas shopping.

Lemon cake and carrot.

First date London pub crawl.

10 year anniversary Helmsley pub crawl..

Connecting and reflecting.

Beer and Bloody Mary.

Gin and tonic… Cointreau and Lime.

Christmas trees and armchairs.

Planning and plotting.

Notepads and iNotes.

Glass Chinking and casual chatter.

Reflecting and connecting.

Cocktails and canapés.

Fine dining and fine wines.

Cocktails and stair stumbling.

Big bed and big dreams

Cuddles and kisses.

Barrocca and breakfast.

Reflecting and connecting …  

 

A night off…

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

 

I am ready for a night off…. One boy finished school… One boy one week left to go…

Most of the Christmas presents bought…. Wrapping paper at the ready.

Substitute romantic dinner and night away booked…

Takeaway on it’s way.

I am ready for a night off…

The Big Man is back…

Tonight it is ‘Night Nurse Knockout’ vs ‘Hyper Steroids’… should make for an interesting night…

I am ready for a night off…

 

 

So I thought I would spread a little festive fun this evening!

 

Q:   How does a Snowman get to work?

A: By icicle.

 

Q: What do you get when you cross a Snowman with a Shark?

A: Frost Bite.

 

Q: What happens when you eat Christmas Tree decorations?

A: Tinsil-itis.

 

Q:  Where does Mistletoe go to get famous?

A: Holly-wood.

 

Q:  What do you call a Snowman in Summer?

A:  A puddle.

 

time off

 

 

 

10.12

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

12.30, 10th December 2010.

 

This time 10 years ago I was just about settled in amongst, under even, all the netting, silk and lace next to my Dad on the back seat of a beautiful Jaguar Mark 10 that had been very generously driven all the way from Yorkshire to Oxford by family friends to help us travel in style on the day. I remember the smell of the red leather…. (I think it was red!)… I remember my excitement, my nerves, the anticipation, my heart busting out my chest, the slight light-headedness from the champagne toasts, jittery, disbelief!

 

I remember thinking that I couldn’t believe the day had come! That it was my wedding day! OUR wedding day! We had been to so many weddings that year and in the previous few years that it was surreal to be mine. I was floating.

 

I had always imagined myself confidently, gliding down the aisle, beaming, strong, excited to be marrying my Big Man, the man of my dreams, the man I wished on a shooting star on a beach in Fiji to spend the rest of my life with, my best friend, my confidante, my rock, my life… my love. In reality, the enormity of marriage and the amount of love I had for one man overwhelmed me as I took that first step in to the church… I faltered, shook, couldn’t stop the tears.

 

But the other rock in my life, my Dad. My Dad had me. He held me up. And I remember him talking quietly to me all the way down the aisle. I have no idea what he said… but whatever it was, held me together until we got to the end… to the man who had held my gaze all the way down that long, short walk up the aisle. He didn’t have to say anything… I just knew what he was saying to me. He had me. For now and forever.

 

12.30pm 10th December 2015

 

I am in my favourite coffee shop – Filmore and Union – to reflect. As a tribute to my anniversary, I am wearing the same silver Whistles top that I wore for the morning of my wedding day. And I am thinking of the special time 10 years ago… and I am thinking of my Mum.

 

On our wedding day, my Mum had the early signs of Alzheimer’s. There were unexplained mood swings, intense bursts of jealousy…. I think she found the day overwhelming…. From pride, love… and maybe a bit too much excitement! But she played her part beautifully… she was there, holding my hand, telling me how beautiful I was… quietly making small adjustments, stroking my back. And she laughed… and she looked stunning. Confident. Beautiful. The most elegant lady there.

 

 

Just around now, she will be arriving by taxi, with a nurse to her new home. The hospital have finalized her concoction of drugs to keep her safe, calm, immobile, mute, unproblematic. She is moving to a nursing home nearer my Dad, nearer to home…

 

 

She will be arriving by taxi, with a nurse…

 

I didn’t get my Christmas miracle. I can’t clone myself, I can’t be there… It’s the turn of my boys to be top priority…. More plays, more school activities, the priority to be in the crowd when they look, scour the audience until they find me, looks of relief and joy at the same time.

 

The rock. Once again, my Dad. He will be there to welcome her, comfort her, settle her, hold her, speak quietly to her as she walks up the path, hold her over the threshold as she takes that first step in to the home and to the start of her next chapter.

 

 

Good luck Mum. Love you. Wish I was with you to hold your hand, stroke your back.  Tell you you are beautiful. X

 

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

While yesterday was laughter and wine. Today was tears and laughter!

 

I was also in serious Mama Bear mode…   with 2 Christmas, festive, nativity plays …. and a school situation.

 

It was a difficult school situation ‘sandwiched’ by nativity joy and magic…

 

I was a proud Mama Bear, again this morning to see my little Willy Mouse come out of his shell in the school play again today.. Confident, smiling, singing all the words, gesticulating with all the right mimes… unless I looked at him….and then he became a mute statue. It’s quite tricky turning one way with your eyes looking the other way… for a full 30 minutes.

 

He was ace… dancing like a dude. Feet firm… body rocking.  Smiling and laughing all the way.

 

And then I had to make a call that I didn’t really want to have to make. Unsavoury school ground behaviours, pieced together over a few weeks and a few conversations…. Finally, having gone on a little too long and going a little too far. Making my spirited, happy son, sad, timid, unenthusiastic…

 

Shedding a little quiet tear as the teacher recounted what had been going on, the nasty name calling, the hurting in places that shouldn’t be hurt.

 

As a Mama Bear, I want to run in and smother my baby. Get my claws out and be ready to protect…. Fight back. Hurt back. Growl… possibly snarl.

 

As a Mama Bear, I also know my baby has to fight his own battles. Learn to stand up for himself… Find the inner strength, stand up to the mean boys or turn and walk away, shrug his shoulders, show them how small they are, how insignificant. Find and hang out with the kind boys, fun boys, smart boys. Show them how insignificant they are.

 

As a Mama Bear… and an emotional Mama Bear at that… I know this is going to be tough. Just like it will be for all the other life battles he will face. God help me when he says he wants to go travelling… (I know what we got up to!)

 

And to this evening’s Mama Bear. Proud. Proud? Was I Proud? I was so proud of my gorgeous, tall, super handsome, unruly blond, seriously cool son on stage tonight… as ‘Snow’. He was the perfect centre piece to 5 other ‘Snow’ actors. Tall. Right at the front. Right in the middle. In his cricket whites and dirty white football boots. With a large sparkly star on his chest. Singing Frozen.

Well… the 5 other ‘Snow’ actors sang Frozen, along with the rest of the year. Tom. Tom did not. Tom moved his mouth like a gold fish, his mimes and movements several seconds behind everyone else or just blatantly not, standing with his legs wide apart hands in his pockets. Yawning.  Under the spot light.

 

It was the funniest thing I have ever seen. I had to bury my head in to my hanky to stop the snorting…. Tears leaking from my eyes.

 

It was the funniest thing I have ever seen. He may has well have just put two fingers up… ‘I do sport’. ‘I don’t do acting’. ‘I don’t do singing’. ‘I do sport.’

 

It was the funniest thing I have ever seen.

 

It cheered me up no end.

 

Brilliant.

 

Couldn’t have 2 more different sons…

 

I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Proud Mama Bear.

 

Mama Bear on board

Laughter and wine…

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

Laughter and wine.

 

Laughter and wine… both good medicine.

 

Laughter, wine and a cup of tea…. Even better medicine.

 

Laughter, wine, a cup of tea, a couple of hours snoozing… Amazing medicine.

 

Laughter, wine, cup of tea and a friend to laugh with … the best medicine.

 

My friend Karen made me laugh so much this morning that I couldn’t stop coughing…. Not ideal when she is trying to get my muscles out of the spasm they are in because of all the coughing…

 

My bed was my friend after the coughing fit, where I recovered from coughing exhaustion as well as burying myself under the duvet to hide my sadness at missing our ‘Coffee Mums’ Christmas lunch.

 

Laughter as always at the innocence and childish comedy of the school nativity… and surprise at no picking of the nose or yawning! Progress!

 

A cup of tea with another friend who came to pick up her little boy on a play date and laughter behind the stern faces as we told our sons off for massacring a 20 year old Thai cushion… The 2 hours it took them to clean up the mess was punishment enough… And a lesson for me, not to allow little boys up to bedrooms with scissors…

 

A glass of wine thrust in to my hand as I go to pick up Tom from his play date, putting the playground worlds to rights….As the second glass of wine was poured, I was all for going to give the naughty boys a good old fashioned telling off if the school won’t! Or maybe I will even send in the Big Guns, the Big Man..

 

All I need now is medicinal chocolate.

 

But I have eaten it all.

Bed and my inhaler it is.  That gives me the shakes.. and the giggles!

laughter

 

 

 

‘Itis’..

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

‘Itis’….

 

So I have had laryngitis (lost the ability to speak), sinusitis, (lost the ability to breathe) and now I have bronchitis (lost the ability to stop coughing)…

 

So what ‘itis’ is next?!

 

Bring it on!

 

I will laugh in your face…

 

I am out of bed and I shan’t be going back into it in the daytime unless I have had far too much fun the night before…

 

Fighting talk from the little Brookster…

 

But yesterday, I started my mission to find the sparkle… and I wasn’t going to let this ill state of me, stop me any more…

 

And if I couldn’t find it, then I was going to sprinkle glitter…

 

I couldn’t find it…. So I decided to sprinkle some festive glitter… some magical fairy dust… to help others feel better, even if I didn’t feel tip top, tickety boo myself…. Seeing others happy, always makes me feel better regardless.

 

I thought to myself, that if was feeling stressed with all the presents I have to buy, people I have to think of… then while I wait for my Christmas Miracle to feel better, to move Mum safely or to clone myself into 3, then I will be a Christmas Miracle to as many people as I can…

 

And that is exactly what I did. And it felt good!

 

I helped and advised several lovely friends on presents for their loved ones and they left happy knowing that the pressure of hitting the high street, finding the right gift, at the right time and then finding the time to wrap it has magically disappeared from their future.

 

The looks on their faces – priceless!

 

…. And may be there is a little bit of a sparkle squirming inside me as I watch the glitter dance in the Yorkshire sunlight….

Sparkle vs Itis….. the battle commences…

 

Christmas shopping help

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

I can’t wait to get my sparkle back on.

I CAN’T WAIT to get my sparkle back on..

 

This is my favourite time of year…

 

I love the magic, the parties, the fun, the excitement, the giving, the receiving, the laughter, the kisses, the decorations, the nibbles, the bubbles, the toxicating smells of mulled wine, cooking hams, the chat, the laughter, the family time, the warmth, the Christmas crooners, the crackers, the carols, friends, mince pies and candles … I love the sparkle!

 

I am watching Strictly… and it reminds me of how I see Christmas… anticipation, swirling, excitement, crescendo and lots of SPARKLE!

 

Our house is decorated in all its finery, but it feels somehow lacklustre. The Big Man has left for the big smoke… the boys are tucked up and under their duvets… Strictly has been replaced by the Antiques Roadshow…

 

I have 5 days to find my sparkle…

I am on a mission!

glitter

Strange stuff

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

Some strange stuff has happened in the last 24 hours.

 

I woke up with Willy snuggled in to me.

 

The fact that Willy is in bed with me is not strange… he often creeps in… and I let him have a moment or 2, but then I always walk him back in to his own bed. The strange fact is that I didn’t wake up. I am a deep sleeper but I always wake up at the sound of one of the boys’ doors opening or at the very least the patter of tiny feet down the landing. A mother’s instinct maybe, but I am always awake by the time they get to me.

 

So why didn’t I last night?

 

Drug induced stupor? I had taken one night nurse? Normally doesn’t have that strict effect on me… Exhaustion from countless sleepless nights? Subconscious apathy?

 

Inexplicable.

 

 

I cried.

 

The fact that I cried is not strange. The fact that I cried in front of James is. I don’t normally cry in front of him… it is on very rare occasions that I do. From years of being in a male dominated profession, I know that tears are seen as signs of weakness, emotional outbursts frowned on. I don’t like to show my husband my weak side… strange.

 

But cry I did…

 

Drug induced? Do Sudafed, Lemsip Max, Day Nurse have relaxants in?   Exhaustion from holding it together for so long? Subconscious apathy?

 

Inexplicable.

 

 

I let the boys do all the Christmas decorations.

 

The fact that I let the boys hang all the decorations is not strange. The fact that I haven’t gone round after them altering, modifying, correcting where and how they have hung things is! I am currently watching a wet, very naked Willy hang strings of tiny red beads around all the door handles of the Kitchen cupboards. They look very pretty – but highly impractical.

 

But sat here I am, silent.

 

Drug induced? Everything looks so pretty and sparkly and twinkly and magical. Exhaustion? I can’t be bothered to get up from the sofa… going to buy the Christmas tree took my last amounts of energy…   Subconscious apathy?

 

Inexplicable.

IMG_3289

 

 

 

The Sandwich Dilemma

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

The Sandwich Years.

 

My first blog in this series explained the concept of the so-called ‘Sandwich Years’ as being the years when you have the responsibility of parenting your own children at the same time as being concerned for and/ or having responsibility of your parents.

 

I find myself in a Sandwich dilemma.

 

Next week is my favourite week in the school calendar (along with sports day week!)… it is the Christmas play, the Christmas nativity and the Christmas Carol service, Christingle…   There is nothing like watching the boys in their plays… fingers up noses, inappropriate yawning… waving and leaping! Their delighted faces to see me in the crowd.

 

Next week it is looking like my Mum is moving out of the hospital in to a new nursing home.

 

Next week is our 10th wedding anniversary.

 

How does one split oneself in to 3? How do you prioritise husband over children, children over parents, marriage over being a good daughter, good mother?

 

Late night text discussions with the Big Man, 10th wedding anniversary romantic plans postponed until our 11th.

 

Willy performs on Tuesday and Wednesday and Tom on Wednesday and Thursday…. Willy is a shepherd and knows his lines beautifully, has sung me all his songs with the actions, he hates his costume but loves his shepherds crook. Tom is snow. I have no idea what he is doing, but I had to get his cricket whites totally white! (impossible… )

 

The hospital is keen to move Mum on so they can release her bed … She is being assessed on Monday and past experience means they will move her pretty quickly… She is so fragile, I can’t bear not to be there with her to support her through a stressful time, confusing time, unsettling time.

 

If there was a time for cloning, this would be it.

If there was a time for teleporting, this would be it.

 

Dare I ask for a Christmas Miracle?

 

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