Some strange stuff has happened in the last 24 hours.
I woke up with Willy snuggled in to me.
The fact that Willy is in bed with me is not strange… he often creeps in… and I let him have a moment or 2, but then I always walk him back in to his own bed. The strange fact is that I didn’t wake up. I am a deep sleeper but I always wake up at the sound of one of the boys’ doors opening or at the very least the patter of tiny feet down the landing. A mother’s instinct maybe, but I am always awake by the time they get to me.
So why didn’t I last night?
Drug induced stupor? I had taken one night nurse? Normally doesn’t have that strict effect on me… Exhaustion from countless sleepless nights? Subconscious apathy?
The fact that I cried is not strange. The fact that I cried in front of James is. I don’t normally cry in front of him… it is on very rare occasions that I do. From years of being in a male dominated profession, I know that tears are seen as signs of weakness, emotional outbursts frowned on. I don’t like to show my husband my weak side… strange.
But cry I did…
Drug induced? Do Sudafed, Lemsip Max, Day Nurse have relaxants in? Exhaustion from holding it together for so long? Subconscious apathy?
I let the boys do all the Christmas decorations.
The fact that I let the boys hang all the decorations is not strange. The fact that I haven’t gone round after them altering, modifying, correcting where and how they have hung things is! I am currently watching a wet, very naked Willy hang strings of tiny red beads around all the door handles of the Kitchen cupboards. They look very pretty – but highly impractical.
But sat here I am, silent.
Drug induced? Everything looks so pretty and sparkly and twinkly and magical. Exhaustion? I can’t be bothered to get up from the sofa… going to buy the Christmas tree took my last amounts of energy… Subconscious apathy?