It was a duvet kind of family day today… The first day after the Christmas and New Year excitement… 
As we had our hot rock and chips tonight I felt overwhelmingly grateful… For not just the delicious food but for my beautiful boys… For our family… 
It was the second time today I felt it… As we had family movie time, I opened my snoozy eyes to see a pile of boys at the other end of the sofa…. Heart swelling… 
Every night before I sleep I always think of the happiest moments of my day….I fall asleep with a smile and I am sure I can thank the smiles before I sleep for the fact that I sleep so heavily… 
#itsallaboutthegrats

#family
  

The letter S was the theme of our fancy dress New Year’s Eve party…
The ‘Sewells’ were our fabulous hosts as ‘Strawberry Shortcake’ and ‘Super Mario’.
Sterling efforts with Star Wars, a Sprout, some Salty Peanuts, Stegosaurus, Slinky (or Swingball), some Sheep, a Ski Bum and Sandy…

   
    
 We dined on Smoked Salmon blinis and Sausage appetisers, Seasonal Salad, Steak and Summer fruits with lemon tarte or chocolate meringues cake… All followed by a Spread of cheese…. And a Surprise chocolate bomb! 
We had Silly games… 12 days of Christmas, the dice game, the malteser Slide, the name game… My favourite Spin and Splat!

 

We drank copious amounts of Sparkling champagne and a Stunning red…
I was Stupid…. I drank wine…. 

James Snored…

While I was Sick… (Nice)
It was a Smashing night bringing in the new year of Sixteen..
Now I am so ready for Sleep!

It’s total chaos and carnage!
The big man has just walked in… Back from a 3 day stint in London…

There are nerf bullets flying … It’s like a war zone! Boys are fleeing and hiding and jumping over sofas…
The fancy dress is laid out on the bed…

Our starter course is prepped.

The sleeping bags, pj’s and dressing gowns are at the ready.

I must remember to take a dice…

I must remember the food in the fridge…
Aunty brownwings is face timing and I cut her off by mistake…
I am losing my mind!
Seeing Brown all brown in Cape Town reminded me of one of the goals I set for myself in 2016 – to spend it in Cape Town, South Africa… Seeing her, her Brai, all happy and relaxed just cemented that goal…. 
It also reminded me of one of the goals I set for 2015… To write…. To blog.
I wasn’t sure at the time I set that goal how it would turn out… And it took 9 months for it to manifest… It started as a way for me to get on paper… Albeit virtual paper… My feelings, how I coped… And it was a friend who suggested I write a blog, to help myself but also to help others…
Today I received a summary from the WordPress which surprised me… About how many views I have had over the 3 months.. And I am constantly surprised who emails me, who comments on my posts and who makes the effort to come and speak to me and share how much they enjoy reading my story… 

I am always eternally touched by those who take the time to do so… It gives me courage to keep going. It makes me proud of my courage to have started and discipline to keep going…
So a huge thank you to everyone who is a loyal and avid daily reader, a huge thank you to those that just read the odd one….  
Happy new year!! May all your dreams and visions for the future realise themselves in 2016!!

  

I am meant to be having a night out, drinking cocktails, laughing with friends…Instead I am in pj’s, hottie on my neck and one on my head… Nursing a detox tea… Slipper socks up…
I blame Frank… Who whistled round my bedroom all night last night…. Keeping me awake.
I blame HMRC … Or really I should blame myself for leaving my tax return so late! Spending a day staring at a PC screen is ale thing I am no longer used to! A lesson learnt… Do it at the end of every month… Yeah yeah… I know big man!
I blame William… Who knows what triggered this afternoons red mist, the hour of rage… He has had a wonderful day with friends, playing golf, football and watching a movie… Lego time with me and tea together… 
As I read the boys stories to calm everyone down and as I kiss them good night, I feel the tension for the first time…
Instead of cocktails, I blitz up a vitamin c packed juice in my new pink nutribullet, make a pot of tea, put on my pink socks… Snuggle down and say goodnight world. Everything is just rosy….for now and will be tomorrow for sure!
  

I think I have a split personality…I am sat here with a gorgeous green juice of kale, broccoli, Apple, ginger and coconut water…. And a bar of chocolate …

And I can’t decide which I like better! 

One sip…

One bite…

I have nearly finished both….
I suppose the rest of my personality is like that too…
I love yoga and Pilates … But I also love to run and sprint, lift weights and row…
I spent 20 years building IT systems, ecommerce platforms, love my iPad, my Mac book… And yet I only ever read from a paperback book…
I love red wine and white wine equally… But they both make me vomit…
I love nights in alone in my pj’s and nights out with friends!
My favourite holiday is skiing, in the snow.. But if you asked me to give up my summer holiday, I would say no! 
Does that make me super complicated??? Complex?
I would rather thank that I am really easy to please….. 🙂
****
Ps:Chocolate is gone…. Does that mean I like it more? Or does it mean I want to finish with the fresh taste of green and health??!! 
  

I am in mourning…. Sounds rather drastic, I know…

But a few things have come to an end….
The big man left to go back to work after lunch – that signifies the end of Christmas, our family time and my favourite time of the year…
My Hannah Banana, my right hand and arm, my sanity guardian is leaving me … I have absolutely no idea how I am going to logistically be in multiple places at once, let alone keep calm and collected enough to be a patient, loving mother and understanding, loving wife…
And finally, my life is over… My trusty Mac BookPro has died. Apple confirmed the hard drive has died… And since the last time I backed it up was never … Or almost never – I can’t remember when the remote back up started telling me it was full! All our photos for the last 5 years, my Sandwich drafts… Potentially irrecoverable…
On the flip side… There is always good to be found in every situation… Or the universe is conspiring to manifest what I have asked if for….
With HB moving on to her next adventure, maybe this is a sign that a miracle will happen and mean that Willy shall get a place at the same school as Tom sooner and I won’t have to be in two places… Or maybe it will mean that Willy may have to spend 2 hours in the car after school with me… But that’s what he asked for.. More time with me! He won’t care that it’s in the car!
With my MacBook Pro gone….I realise my favourite photos over the years are all on Facebook … Thank goodness I am a prolific poster! It’s my own personal free back up plan! While I can replace the hard drive, I could upgrade and get the little one that I have been dreaming of and save my back lugging this one around! Far more professional and fitting of a mobile blogger!
And with the Big Man gone… He is only gone a couple of nights this week… And so that leaves me with a full sofa, his half eaten bag of maltesers, the remote and a super king size bed to starfish in!
#findthehappy
  

To drown out my negative noisy head chatter, I played some strong power ballads very loudly on my way back from Harrogate…. I love music.

It lifts my spirits, I can sing a long and that stops the trail of negative thoughts in my mind and I find myself smiling and with happy thoughts again… Distraction or a shift in focus – music is a wonderful thing!

I had to play them so loud tonight that ‘highway to the danger zone’ and the drum beats made my heart feel like it was punching through my rib cage….
Maybe not necessarily the right choice of song as it felt like the last day or so has been a bit of a danger zone…. I am stuck in the middle of the two people who I love most in life (in addition to my boys) but who have a serious personality clash … It’s nothing new. It’s been around a long time… And I have stood in the middle, hearing both sides, deflecting hurtful words, absorbing their emotions, keeping the peace. 

It saddens me so much to see one cry and the other hurt, defensive…

What do you do when you are stuck in the middle, in a danger zone?
Fortunately the next song did make me smile! Little Mix and Black Magic — the song that my little niece has been singing to me all Christmas – hands on her hips, pointing at me – ‘take a sip of my secret potion, I’ll make you fall in love’ …
If only it were that simple….
So I am home, in my pj’s – Downton’s last ever episode and a mince pie…. Or 2.  
#dangerzone

#lovepotion

#family 

 

There is a saying that all unfortunate things happen in 3’s…. and over the last 2 days, 3 things have broken… My sister in law’s car broke down, My mother-in-law’s aga broke down… and it is suspected a friend just broke his ankle ..

 

But what I have noticed about these unfortunate incidents, is how families and communities pull together.

 

I loved the Queen’s quote from the Gospel of St John – ‘The light shines on in the darkness, the darkness did not overcome it’.

 

While all of our incidents were relatively minor in comparison to so many of the tragedies that have happened this year and continue to take place in the moment, they were occurrences that could have upset many plans and little people…

 

While my sister-in-law’s car broke down on the way to stay with her in-laws, it was her brother-in-law who drove all the way to rescue them late on Christmas Eve, so that their family could spend Christmas together, with new Grandchildren and excited Grandparents…

 

While my mother-in-law’s aga broke down, we are fortunate enough to live next door and have an aga and an oven… We may have run a few trips back and forth between the houses with our raincoats and wellies swopped for our heels, but we sat down together to a wonderful hot meal altogether.

 

While my friend slipped in the mud, while watching the rising river, friends rallied to his rescue – strangers went home to get blankets while we waited for the ambulance that never arrived… and another medical friend donned her wellies over her comfies and slid down to the river to provide support, rule out concussion from the fall and comfort the family. Her husband and the Big Man helped him up the hill and drove him to hospital….

 

I am reminded that in times of distress or upset, all you need to do is ask for help. There are always people willing to help, lend a hand, give their time, give their provisions…

 

If you have the courage to ask, the feeling is heart warming….

 

#friends

#lightshinesthroughdarkness

#community

 

New slippers are just the most delicious thing. My mother in law buys me a new pair every Christmas…. Bliss. They have to be up there as my favourite present…
Along with my new journal from my sister, which has these beautiful words on the front… Each night before I write my journal and gratitudes, I will read them again… 
We have had the most wonderful day with friends and family… And delighted in the joy on our boys faces as they opened their presents…. Giving is what it is all about, especially to those you love….

  

Christmas Eve for me is all about peeling and singing…
I felt a little worse for wear this morning after a beautiful, stylish, generous, very fun Christmas Drinks party…. I had champagne mouth and head. 
I haven’t drunk more than one or two glasses of wine socially for rather a long time…. Alcohol can bring out the best in me.. The party, fun, life and soul me…. But it can also bring out the angry, shouty, tearful, sobbing me… With the emotional turbulence going on in my head and heart, I didn’t want to bring out that monster in public… For the first time in a long time, I felt relaxed… I felt relaxed enough to fill my glass and have it refilled… Many times. I didn’t count. And I didn’t cry or shout… 
The only way to get the round the fuzzy champagne head and dry, tacky mouth was liquid – hydration sachets and fizz sticks, and eating…. And peeling. 
The Christmas tradition of family peeling and chopping altogether. I love it… Signifies the real start to Christmas… 
As does the Christmas Carol service in our local church. Just 30 minutes – carol after Carol – one after the other – up down, up down.. And always ending in the children singing jingle bells at the end.  
This year felt special as Tom was confident to sit at the front on his home… All tall and moppy blond and grown up… Total contrast to my little nephew who stole hearts as he ran up and down the aisle with his teddy… 
And now I am sat in my pj’s, after a few more champagnes next door at James’ parents… We have rewrapped the discovered Father Christmas presents… 
And my final favourite tradition…. We have nibbled on all the carrots and split them over the floor… We have eaten half the mince pies, drink the majority of the pint of John Smiths – just a little left … And filled the sacks… 
All that’s left to do is kiss my sleeping angels and wish everyone a very Merry Christmas!!!