There’s nothing like a cure for a lack of sleep through time zone travel, than the anticipation of seeing your babies.

 

I couldn’t find them in the playground… too many blond boys playing football!  But suddenly there they were… Tom as cool as a cucumber and my little mouse just throwing himself into my arms and wrapping his legs tight around my waist, and not letting go.

 

There’s nothing like a cure for jet lag setting in than laughter with my boys.  Tom grabbing his book and saying ‘Mummy, check out this cool book.  I found rude bits!  Look!  Boobies and Bums!!!’

 

And clearly there is no cure better for Willy than Mummy being home.  For the first time in a few days, he has eaten all his tea and he is back full of beans, playing tennis and singing in the shower….

 

There’s no place like home.

 

I am on the first leg of my way home…..

I simply cannot wait to get home…

I can’t wait to snuggle my Willy Mouse who has been poorly, angry at me for leaving him, refusing to speak to me on Facetime… make him giggle and love me again.

I can’t wait to press noses and faces to my happy Tom Tom and answer his million questions….  Hear all his happy chatter.

I can’t wait to throw my arms around the Big Man and thank him a million times for having my back, for picking up my ‘day job’ and looking after the boys, the house and all while he continues to put 110% in to his new job, looking after our finances, our assets and our income.

I can’t wait to get started in my new job working for a magazine and starting my new career in writing, publishing, digital, advertising…

And I can’t wait to get home to get my business back on it’s feet, back on it’s rocket ship.

 

Having your own business takes time and energy… and when you have neither, it can feel like a lead weight, full of guilt, procrastination and indecision.

 

So I am grateful… so grateful for this week.

So grateful for the time for perspective but also for all the people who have made it happen and for making it the brilliant week that it was.

So grateful for the professionalism of Arbonne to put on such a slick, stunning, mind blowing conference that makes me so proud to be part of such an organisation, a tribe on a mission to change the world one at a time.

So grateful for my friends and family out here in Vegas for making it fun, heart warming, soul soothing.

So grateful for everyone back home ferrying and feeding the boys… The Big Man, the car share pool and Granny and Grandpa…

 

I am getting on a plane abundant and full and ready.

 

 

 

So I think I have worked out what happened.

 

Arbonne events are intense.  Yes, we are a proud, product led, ultra premium consumable business.

 

But the events are highly emotional and thought provoking.

 

The focus is on the main product, the best selling product, the business opportunity; the business of transforming lives.  Transforming the lives of people through health, beauty and wellness, yes… but transforming lives by educating, inspiring, coaching and mentoring people to be better people, better friends, better parents, better business owners, better leaders, better servants and courageous warriors.

 

And it is the courageous warriors that left me feeling emotionally drained, wrung out, squeezing out the last drops of anguish, frustration, madness and anger out through my eyes.

 

The men and women who shared their stories, shared experiences of hardship, disappointment, upset and devastation, also showed how they turned their setbacks in life as their biggest comebacks.  And through sharing their comebacks, they have helped so many others with their own personal setbacks, either as part of Arbonne or with the free time or income they have because of Arbonne.

 

What they have been through, threw up some parallels to my story but also highlighted that my story is just a tough time, getting lost in the woods, distracted by the dark and scary noises. And that there is light and a whole new peaceful world on the other side and I just have to keep going.

 

So, on reflection, the tears were tears of hope.  Hope and anticipation of reaching the edge of the wood.

 

So, on reflection, they were tears of gratitude.  Gratitude for being shown the steps and disciplines I need to keep going, to keep strong.

 

So, on reflection, the were tears of relief.  Relief because of my new found inner strength to keep going, regardless how long it takes me to get to the next clearing or out of the wood, regardless of how dark it gets or how scary.

 

And all that is left is a sense of calm.  A sense of stoicism.

 

I am ready to go home and face the wood, find a clearing, find the way out.

 

 

 

 

 

I am really not quite sure why the flood gates have opened this evening.I am really not quite sure why I am lying alone in my hotel suite with a pillow on my face to sob into when I could be with all of my friends, dancing and cheering in the arena at all the success we have in our company.
As I decide that I have had enough and choose to get up, another wave hits me and I am diving under that pillow again.
I really am not quite sure why.

I am not sure it is because of my Mum.

I am not sure if is because I am missing my boys…

I am not sure if it is because I am feeling the guilt for coming away.

I am not sure if it is because I am constantly battling the voices in my head which say I should feel guilty and those that say I shouldn’t..

I am not sure if it is because I feel inadequate; not being or doing enough.

I am not sure if it is because I am angry at myself for crying!
It is all just a little bit confusing and frustrating and all I want to do is get up and get on!
But maybe it is a good thing… I am not very good at crying, being sad. Maybe I need to let the sad out to make room for the happy.
And then I can go on the party bus. I have 3 hours….. 
  

The atmosphere is electric!!! The music is pumping, the floor jumping.

..

18,000 independent business owners ready to be inspired!

18,000 people of the kindest, most honest, honourable, passionate, servant leaders I have ever met..

18,000 friends and colleagues all dancing, taking selfies..

18,000 men, women and babies all making the decision to do something different… 

18,000 who saw THE business opportunity of the 21st century and were open minded enough to listen.

18,000 people which started with 1 man with vision and a dream to enrich lives nearly 40 years ago.

I miss my babies, my boys, the Big Man but there is absolutely no where else I would rather be!
And it all started with a 30 minute coffee with an old friend who made contact 3 years ago and who showed me an alternative to everything I had been taught …. And a way to build a better, extraordinary life.
#gtc2016

#arbonne
  

Wallowing in water is the best place I have found to share ideas and concepts.
Yesterday while floating in the beautiful pool at the Encore my friend introduced me to the J Bittersweet 30 day meditation programme and today while cooling off in the shallows of Tower 2 pool, another friend shared her experiences of clairvoyance.
Meditation helped me through the days Mumbo left me, us, this life. I lay on the floor of the posh lounge and looked out over the fields opposite my childhood home and breathed: emptying my mind of any thoughts and watched them float across my subconscious. 
Since then, I haven’t found the time to make it a priority…. Or if I did, I found it a real challenge to quieten my thoughts, self talk, my to-do lists noisily making an appearance… So the recommendation of the 30 day challenge was a welcome solution. I am on day 2 and while my thoughts still continue to interrupt my flow, I see myself exercising my patience and mind muscle. I feel better already just having had 5 minutes to breathe.
And so to clairvoyance. Well the topic and discussions have left me switching between excitement and heart wringing emotion at the possibility of being able to speak or converse with my Mum. My lovely pre-Alzheimers Mum. Have a conversation with her just like I used to on my way to work, sharing my thoughts, agenda, secrets….. 
I will have to work up to it…. And find someone I believe and trust… But I am going to do it. I believe that we are all energy: millions of particles just living in this body in this life.  
We can tap in to any energy source… 
If you want to. 
Through meditation I am tapping into my inner energy source.
Through clairvoyance, I can tap into the spiritual energy source. 
Amazing what you can learn in the water.

  

I am badass.

I have unleashed my badass.

I am letting go of my Big Snooze and connecting with my Source Energy.

I am living in the moment.

I am surrounding myself with people who are absolutely kicking up their heals and loving living…

Snow White and I are linking arms and leaving Dobby behind.

 

It’s been a gorgeous day.

There are happiness balloons all around me, lifting me up.

 

I can barely feel the little weights tied to my feet….

I dream that one day they will grow their own little happiness balloons and float up next to me…

 

 

Let’s talk about Vegas.

Las Vegas, Nevada.

 

In 1999, having driven down route 1 from Seattle to Los Angeles in our 1972 convertible beetle, bright orange and cow hide covered seats, we headed for Route 66 to get to our final destination, Toronto, Canada.

 

I recall the first time I saw Vegas.  It was nightime… or dusk.  At least it is in my recollection.  Our beloved, temperamental, rotting, rusty Orange Bug had just had a new engine, so we weren’t being overheated or polluted with black smoke…  The tumble weed had started to disappear and looming up in the distance there was a glow…a yellow glow.  And as we drew closer you could see the outline of Vegas from the movies, rising up out of the desert, a crescent of light.

 

According to the Big Man’s travel expense spreadsheet to make our savings last, we had $5 per head per day.  For food.  For lodgings.

 

I hated Vegas.

 

Firstly, it was hot. It was midsummer July hot. Not just hot hot.  But stinking hot.  Sewer stinking hot.  Sauna, I can’t breath hot.

 

I hated Vegas.

 

Secondly, it was freezing.  Sub zero air con freezing.  Goosebump stimulating freezing the minute you walked through any door to escape the heat.

 

I hated Vegas.

 

Thirdly, it was noisy. Bing diddly Bing. Bing diddly Bing Bing Bing… around every corner, through every entrance, banks of slot machines and roulettes… Tinned music and shouting…

 

I hated Vegas.

 

Fourthly, it was all about the gambling. Totally risk averse, especially when it came to money… betting our $5 allowance on black or ‘twisting’ on 18 put me totally on edge.  I didn’t want to sleep in the car with no roof!

 

I hated Vegas.

 

So when my great friend said excitedly that the global conference for the business I had just started was in Vegas, I did not share her excitement and said I would never go back.

 

She had 11 months to convince me otherwise.

 

And now, I am here.  For the 3^rd time since.

 

And I love Vegas.

 

Firstly, it’s all about the people.  So many wonderful friends are here. And I know I am going to make so many more.. from conversations with strangers by the pool, getting to know people in the queues to register, buy merchandise, to get to a seat… laughing and sharing stories without realising you have been queuing for an hour.

 

I love Vegas.

 

Secondly, it’s like coming home.  While that first taxi ride in to Vegas is totally surreal, I know where I am going.  I know what my room looks like, I know where I like to eat, to shop, to sunbathe, I know how to get over the jetlag, deal with the hot vs cold.

 

I love Vegas.

 

Thirdly, it is pure escapism.  I love my life, my real life, my Big Man, my little men, my routines, my home friends, my business, the excitement of my new job, my home.. but there I have responsibilities, deadlines, timelines….  In Vegas, it’s all about me… for a few days, doing just what I want to do.  Guilt free.

 

I love Vegas.
Fourthly, it’s all about learning, about growing knowledge, becoming self aware of what small changes are needed to grow mentally, physically, spiritually … It’s about being inspired by others, their journey, their experiences, downfalls and victories. It’s about feeling empowered, invincible and incredible from the knowledge gained but from the support of 18,000 people around you.
I love Vegas.

 

Funny how dramatically an emotion can change from hate to love with a different perspective.  It’s that miracle again….

 

 

 

I love my Prada handbag.

I love the bright turquoise, blue colour.

I love the chic lines, gold links and poppers.

I love the pretty, colourful lining.

I love the smell of the leather.

I love the way it makes me feel when I use it.

I love the memory of being given it, the surprise and excitement of the big white bag with black writing.

I love how I put it on my Christmas wish list as a joke, alongside the pyjamas and slippers that would have made me just as happy.

I love the fact that my husband had seen me admiring them in Galleries Lafayette.

I love that every time I use it, I am reminded of that beautiful, romantic anniversary trip to Paris.

I love that it is so precious that it is kept safe in its dust bag on the top shelf, brought out for special occasions.

I love that it was given in love and with love and that it reminds me of that love.

 

Recently, a comment left me feeling guilty, even bad for owning one.  For having anything material and for having the life and experiences that I am grateful daily for.

 

A Prada handbag is a luxury, a material object.  As are many things.

It is also a symbol and reflection of love, although I didn’t need it to feel loved.

It is also a symbol and reflection of hardwork, long hours, commitment to both career and family life, although I didn’t need it to prove that.

 

I love my Prada handbag.  I am guilt free.  I am no Prada wearing Devil.  I am a good person.

 

 

 

 

It’s funny how a chance meeting can alter the course of your life…
Having a gorgeous Amazonian blond sit down next to you on the first night of university … Only for it to lead to a wonderful friendship and then to being sisters … And Aunties.
A uni ski trip, a white out, a hangover, fear of being alone on the slopes, a nice bottom on a neat skier… Only for it to lead to love, travel, marriage, children, animals, mortgages, piles of washing and family cuddles on the sofa in Yorkshire.
A first temping job in London …only for it to lead to a successful career in management consulting, technology, retail… Life long friends.
A catch up with an old friend, an open mind … Only for it to lead to owning my own business, more importantly the introduction of personal development, mindfulness, holistic health… And bucket loads of inspiration for an extraordinary life.
A walk by a river, a conversation on a bench in the sun … Only for it to lead a year later to a complete change in career, nerves and excitement.
It’s funny how a chance meeting can alter the course of your life…
Or is it?
Would all choices, chance encounters lead to the same ending? 
Would I have still met the Big Man …or a man like him?

Would I have still had my 2 beautiful boys … Or 2 other boys or girls just as beautiful?

Would I have still have a successful career and a dramatic u-turn to what I really wanted to do… Or would I have started there first? 
It’s all a bit ‘sliding doors’…. 
Destiny. I believe what is meant to be will always find a way to be.