I am really not quite sure why the flood gates have opened this evening.I am really not quite sure why I am lying alone in my hotel suite with a pillow on my face to sob into when I could be with all of my friends, dancing and cheering in the arena at all the success we have in our company.
As I decide that I have had enough and choose to get up, another wave hits me and I am diving under that pillow again.
I really am not quite sure why.
I am not sure it is because of my Mum.
I am not sure if is because I am missing my boys…
I am not sure if it is because I am feeling the guilt for coming away.
I am not sure if it is because I am constantly battling the voices in my head which say I should feel guilty and those that say I shouldn’t..
I am not sure if it is because I feel inadequate; not being or doing enough.
I am not sure if it is because I am angry at myself for crying!
It is all just a little bit confusing and frustrating and all I want to do is get up and get on!
But maybe it is a good thing… I am not very good at crying, being sad. Maybe I need to let the sad out to make room for the happy.
And then I can go on the party bus. I have 3 hours…..