Imagine

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

I am a little nervous tonight….

 

I am about to go to bed…

 

I am a little nervous tonight…

 

Firstly… because when I get in to bed, I seem to awaken some horrendous monster in my throat that causes me to cough… and cough … and cough… and cough… til I almost vomit. I think I have Tom and Willy to thank for that one… I wonder where I will leave my tea… Willy was outside the swimming pool, Tom in the middle of the kitchen floor…   I hate being sick. I am a little nervous.

 

Secondly… because when I wake up, I have a tight schedule in order to make my train at 8.52, after having done school drop off and parked the car. I am a little nervous…

 

Thirdly… because when I wake up, it is the day that I will see my mum … It’s been over 6 weeks since my last visit. I am a little nervous… I am a little nervous as to how she will be and how I will feel. I am a little nervous.

 

I am about to go to bed…

 

I am going to carry out a practice that I read about once… and before I go to sleep, I am going to play out how I want tomorrow to run.

 

I am going to imagine everything going smoothly, calmly…

 

I am going to imagine Mum, calm, happy to hold my hand, smile at me…

 

I am going to imagine a good discussion with the doctors to work out where we are going to move her to next…

 

I am going to imagine a lovely lunch with my Dad and sister…

 

I am going to imagine a lovely evening with Mr OCD and his sister and family…

 

I am going to imagine a good day…

 

Imagine

Groundhog Day 

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

It’s Groundhog Day…. Willy is showing signs of improvement … Which is good as he was the first to be struck down 2 weeks ago…. 

Tom still didn’t feel like rugby – he must be feeling ill although never complains…
We all managed to peel ourselves off the sofa to go to the supermarket to get food….and replenish the tissue supply. It was meant to be a cook off with team mummy&willy doing main and daddy&tom doing pud…. Although it ended up team daddy&willy buying M&S deserts and team mummy&tom choosing roast beef and peeling potatoes! 
We are all carb loaded and full bellied with custard…..
And back on the sofa! 
The common cough and cold. Men down! Men down! 
For a family of four who are healthy, eat good fresh food, exercise, live cleanly for he majority of the time… Do all the right things to keep our immunity strong… How on earth can the common cold strike us down?!
  

Enter at your own peril!

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

In times of the plague, households of the victims of disease would mark their doors with a cross as a warning to those entering…
If we lived in those times, our door would be marked.
James has man flu.

The boys have little men flu.

And I sound like a man… lost my voice.
Tom threw up from coughing but failed to tell anyone…. 
Willy came to tell me there was red all over the kitchen floor… Nice. It was Heinz tomato soup for lunch … What else to serve when illness strikes??!!
So it’s been a sofa day…. Jurassic World, Captain America, How to Train Your Dragon all blurring in and out of focus… 
The fire is lit, we are toasty under blankets… And the next movie is about to start…
If I were you, I would keep away! 
  

Happy oranges!

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

There’s only one thing to say in my blog tonight… And that is that the big man is home! 
He may be full of cold. 
The boys may have chesty coughs and snotty noses…. 
I may have razors in my throat…. 
But the happiness and excitement in the house is electric!!
And the willy mouse has drawn lots of happy oranges!!!  

 

Smug…

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

Tonight my gratitude has a tinge of smugness…

 

Is that a bad thing?

 

To be so grateful that you feel smug? To feel smug is feeling almost offensive satisfaction for your situation, does it not?

 

Well that is how I feel…

 

Grateful and smug…

 

Today, I got to kiss my boys good morning and have breakfast with them both… I got to see Willy make his own toast for the first time…   I love the firsts…

 

Today I got to read with both my boys and hear how well they are progressing at school…

 

Today I got to stand in front of a classroom and inspire children to think for themselves.. understand the world and their impact on it and the impact of the world on them.

 

Today I got to spend time with a wonderful ‘old’ friend and wax lyrical about how lucky we both were! How grateful we were to have this time with our children … to have the time to grab a nice coffee and share our gratitudes, and swop stories…

 

Today I got to exercise… to feel fit and healthy… even though I can feel a tickle and a sniffle coming on … (I am healthy.  I am healthy!  I am full of health!)

 

Today I got to pick up my youngest and have quality time with him, make him feel special with one on one time… and wave to him in the pool and watch him proudly swimming like a frog…

 

Today I got to eat supper with my children, cuddle them on the sofa under blankets and kiss their soft cheeks and hair… and hear the words ‘I love you, Mama’ as I tuck them under their duvets…

 

Today I got to treat two friends to a facial and a makeover .. and if I do say so myself, my work was good! And I am proud of myself…

 

Today I got to do the 2 things I always wanted to do – be a Mummy… not only in just the physical sense of the act of becoming a parent and giving birth, but actively taking an interest in my offspring’s wellbeing, safety, security and providing a loving environment myself…   and secondly to stand in front of a school class and provide an inspiring environment for children to learn.

 

Today I got to do the 2 things I always wanted to do AND see friends, have fun and keep healthy!

 

Today I am full of smug gratitude… Today I am the cat that got the cream! I could even be Bagpuss!

the cat that got the cream

 

 

To resist… or to not resist…That is the question!

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

It’s definition word time.

 

To resist … or to not resist.  That is the question!

 

To resist is ‘to withstand, strive against or oppose’.

 

I love exercise – all forms of it. I tried Yoga once, but it hurt, it made me feel stupid, I wasn’t good at it, I don’t bend, I can’t reach my toes, I can literally do a side bend for one inch…

 

So I resisted it…   For a long time.

 

Funny how we resist the things we need the most?

Amazing how the universe provides the things we need the most at the time we need it.   One of the parents at Tom’s school has recently opened her own Hot Yoga practice right next door to the school and it had a fabulous article in the York Press yesterday.

It was a sign. It was a sign for me to sign up.

I did.

I still can’t bend…. And I had to use a block, several sometimes…

But I didn’t feel stupid. I felt good.

Why have I resisted this for so long?! I needed the warmth for my stiff muscles. I needed the breathing to release the tension. I needed the headspace to let my thoughts drift away…

It was brilliant and I will be going back.  (http://hotyogayork.co.uk/)

 

I also discussed resisting people either in a work or social capacity with a friend over lunch. People who you feel uncomfortable with in their presence. I commented that it could be that they do, or say, things that aren’t in line with your own values… so they don’t feel like they fit with your life…   And as values change over time, perhaps that’s why some friends are transient.

 

She made the interesting point that we resist some people because on some subconscious level, they reflect something inside us that we don’t like about ourselves or didn’t like about ourselves in the past. So we resist the person or the situation as it makes us uncomfortable as it magnifies what we don’t like about ourselves…

 

Carl Jung says ‘ What you resist, persists’…

 

And I believe that. The more you resist something, the more you want it! A bit like chocolate when on a diet or wine on a detox!

 

The more you push something away, the more you think about it, the more energy you give to it…   and therefore the more focus you give it.

 

So to release the pressure that comes with resisting, you have to let it go. It’s a bit like my stiff muscles in my yogic poses! The more I resisted the pose, the more I found I couldn’t move… and yet when I breathed, relaxed and let it go… the resistance left and I felt at peace…

 

Looking back, I resisted the grief for the loss of my Mum and the sad situation we find her in, I fought it… tried to push on through. The more I pushed the anguish down, the more I fed the pain…

What you resist persists

When I recognised it and met it face on, I was able let the pain out, I felt release. I felt calm.

 

To Resist.

 

Far better to step in, face the resistance and release…

 

 

What is wrong with Williemouse…?

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

There is something not quite right about my little Willy Mouse. He is still not very happy… still very clingy…

 

I have been looking at the routine we put in place at the beginning of the school year… and realized it was very Tom focused due to his move to school. So I have been addressing that….

 

I have rearranged the situation with the dog walking so I can have special time with him on the mornings I don’t do school runs for Tom… that meant getting someone else to walk the dog! But hey ho! Ididntwantadog.com.

 

I have been sure to make Willy feel like he is important when I get back from picking up Tom daily by giving him my full attention… asking lots of questions about his day…

 

I have even allowed him to sit in my room and watch TV while I get ready before I dash out the door with Tom… (normally TV is banned in the mornings!)

 

And yet still he is not happy…

He doesn’t want to do the things he normally loves…

He doesn’t want to be in the Nativity play…

He doesn’t want to go to football (!!!!)

He doesn’t want to play with his best friend Georgie P…(!!!!!!!!!!!!!?)

He didn’t want to swim so badly he made himself sick…

He didn’t want to go to Beavers tonight which he had been desperate to go to all week…

 

Instead, all he has wanted is to curl up on my lap on the sofa and snuggle in to my neck…

 

I love that the snuggles and the one on one time… but it makes me sad…. What is wrong with my little Willy Mouse?

 

Something is broken…

 

Maybe he needs Bagpuss… Charliemouse, and all the other Mice… and together they can fix what is broken?

 

Bagpuss

Technology

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

Tonight the only thing I can think of … and therefore want to write about is the power of technology!!!

 

I started working in technology almost 20 years ago… I had just left uni, I didn’t know what to do …

 

Actually, working in technology started well before that. My Dad used to get me the best summer jobs! One of his clients had a technology hardware business and needed someone to unscrew dot matrix printers so that they could sell them on for parts elsewhere…   So I spent one summer in a warehouse, unscrewing dot matrix printers!! I told you my Dad got me the best summer jobs! LOL!

 

Another summer job was putting my touch typing skills to good use at another client of my Dad’s – a law firm. I used to spend my days typing up their recorded notes… I got up to 100 words a minute typing! So proud.

 

But in that law firm, they had an old computer system that kept failing, dying and needed rebooting. I soon learnt how to do it….

 

When I left uni, I didn’t know what to do… so I thought I would go and do some typing in some of the companies I thought I might like to work for. At the temping agency, their computer system went down, so we couldn’t do our tests. Guess who rebooted it?! Little old me…   the lace making, lacrosse playing, alice band wearing, goodie two shoes…   hilarious.

 

So I got the cream jobs… and they asked me what I wanted to do and where I wanted to work… and I said ‘management consulting’ as I thought it was the broadest career even though I didn’t have the faintest clue what it meant…… and that was the start.

 

I went to work for the most senior Finance Partner in Anderson Consulting. I went on to order all the components for the big technology projects at the time… some in French! Procurement, sun servers… and trips to our offices on the Champs Elysees! It was fun….

 

And then the serious work started… I learnt to code. I learnt to understand, read, write and update code. I learnt about batch systems… technology that powered warehouses, stores, supply chains… It blew my mind… and then it became ordinary….

 

And then the real revolution happened in retail… and everything went so much faster as broadband got faster… so did shopping, access, competition… Innovation happened and we got smart tills, smart lanes, smart phones and online shopping…

 

I loved it… I hated it! (Loved the excitement… hated the long hours!)

Loved the change… Hated the change!! (Loved shopping online… Hated taking my kids to the supermarket when online went wrong!)…

Loved agile, Kanban, Scrum, XP… Hated how others didn’t get it!

 

And to my point of tonight… I have just been ‘working’ (I say working because I enjoy what I do, so it doesn’t feel like work… ) from the comfort of my home, in my pj’s, eating my supper…

 

I had a laptop, smart phone and ipad…

 

I was communicating via Whatsapp (like text but an app) to my colleagues on my phone…

Watching a zoom call (video conferencing) from my ipad…

Posting information and educational facts on a shopping event on my laptop…

 

Just yesterday, James was working in San Diego… so we could use FaceTime to keep in touch with him. Just as we keep in touch with my Dad… My sister… My sister in Law, my nieces and nephews, friends abroad…

 

I love that! But I love technology…

Technophobes would hate it…

 

I feel energized from it!!

 

And I am so grateful for it… Not just the way it has shaped my career, but how it has shaped my present and how it will shape the future of my children.

 

The world is now a smaller place because of it…

The world is a faster place because of it…

 

And that is probably a blog for another night! ..

 

 

 

 

Silver linings

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

There is always something peaceful about a Sunday night… The calm before the storm!

The house is tidy, surfaces cleared, the table laid for breakfast, pilates mat laid out for the morning.. lists written and plans for the day laid down…

All that’s left to do for the day is write this blog, write my journal and fall to sleep…

It’s been a wonderful weekend with my Dad… It’s so good to see him relaxed. It’s good to have him as Dad…. ready to listen, provide perspective and good advice…. I realize this in this moment… We have talked a lot this weekend… something that we haven’t really had much opportunity to do in recent years…

Mum would say we were whispering about her… Mum would interrupt as she didn’t understand what we were saying…

It’s good to have my Dad back…

It’s sad to have lost my Mum…

It’s sad to have lost my Mum..

It’s good to have my Dad Back…

Out of any sad or bad situation, there is always something good.

For every cloud, there is always a silver lining… and I will focus on the silver lining….

There were a lot of clouds this weekend! Very rainy ones… so while we couldn’t watch the boys play football or rugby due to the rain, we found other things to do… Going deep under ground – as far down as high as the Tour Eiffel – and learning the history of the mining revolution, baking brownies, making flap jacks, letting Dad experience soft play on a wet Sunday… ! And of course, a lovely family roast dinner…

So the Sunday night calm, before the storms of Monday…

I am ready for you… !

every cloud

Paris

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

‘Make love, not War’ – Anon

‘I was once asked why I never participated in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I would never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I will be there’ – Mother Teresa.

‘Peace is a journey of a thousand miles and it must be taken one step at a time’ Lyndon B. Johnson

‘Peace is not the destination. Peace is the way.’- unknown

‘If we are to have peace on earth… our loyalties must transcend our race, our tribe, our class and our nation; and this means we must develop a world perspective’ – Martin Luther King, Jr.

‘Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace’ – Jonathan Lockwood Hule.

‘True Peace is no merely the absence of tension, but it is the presence of justice’ – Martin Luthor King.

‘Imagine all the people, living life in peace…’- John Lennon.

…..

I don’t suppose that I am the only person starting and ending today thinking about the recent events in Paris.

I am not an avid watcher of the news, nor reader of the newspapers. Long gone are the days of luxury when I used to read an hour of the paper a day. I am lucky if I get to read the Sunday papers – that is a rare treat.

So my political views on the situation is next to nothing as my knowledge of the facts and history leading up to the events are pretty limited. But I am aware of the situation – multiple gun attacks and suicide bombers affecting many, many lives of innocent people.

And this isn’t the first… Wars, attacks, aggression, tension has been around since the beginning of the human race… My generation all know where we were when the Twin Towers came down on 9/11, the footage emblazoned on our memories… 7/7 also….

So what’s the answer to ending it? Is there one? Fight back or give love? Is it that simple?

I started to google some of the well known peace cries from peace ‘activists’… And they are all in line with the message from my favourite book ‘The Secret’… focus on what you want, not what you don’t want… Focus on peace, not war. Love…. Not hate. Forgive, not revenge…   The book says that by focusing on something, the vibes and the signals you are putting out to the universe will mean you get more of the same…

With all the press coverage, media, social discussions… we are giving air time to these terrible attacks… Does this mean we are giving the terrorists what they want? Focus? Attention? By doing so, will they do it again? Do something worse?

So does that mean we should all ignore it? Walk on by? Allow it?   Ignore the emotions it brings up? Not allow ourselves to show compassion for those affected? Show solidarity amongst the peaceful majority?

I am really not sure it is that simple…

…

I like the mixture of the quotes I found…

I believe MLK, Jr is right… we need to develop a world perspective… but at the same time, Lyndon is right – it will take one step at a time.

In the meantime, MLK himself speaks of what we need to do now and allow justice in… and leave that to the people who know what they are doing and in authority.

As a mere mortal and lowly citizen, I shall follow John Lennon’s advice and imagine living life in peace… and I will pray that all those affected, suffering or suffering grief will find the peace they deserve eventually, in finding it possible to forgive.

Peace