As I sit here for my 5 minute blog spot… I have a dilemma… a cup of tea and a mince pie or a stiff drink and a mince pie.

I have one angel son writing his thank you cards – studiously, neatly and totally instigated of his own accord.

I have one son… who is currently writing me hate letters and ripping up paper and throwing them around the kitchen, or spilling them over my head.

Willy doesn’t like being told off.

I have explained that unwrapping presents hidden in a cupboard that has been barricaded was something that they shouldn’t have done, especially when not labeled. Tom is blaming Willy and I can well imagine that is the case, but as I wasn’t there, they get the same sage warning.

Tom shrugs it off and moves on. Turning his bad deed in to a good one with the letter writing.

Willy turns into little angry man.

And I am sat here with paper balls reigning down on my head wondering how to deal with the situation….

Is the magic over?

Can I save the magic of Father Christmas this year?

And while I ponder, I am wondering whether tea or vodka is the solution for a creative solution.

Either way, I need cover. Paper balls hurt.

#everythingwasgoingsowell

#nowifeellikecrying

For the last month, it feels like I have been in a deep valley. A valley cloaked in fog and mist… representative of the exhaustion from the storm of emotions that have whirled around me in the last quarter of 2015.

While I no longer feel depressed, weighed down by the fog, I can still feel it lingering at the top of the hills, and mountains that I want to climb…   They are masking my dreams and ability to visualize the view from the top.

I have often and still continue to battle between the importance of gratitude for everything that I have, that I am … and the importance of visualization, goal setting and future planning. I sometimes feel that one contradicts the other… that wanting more for my future, my family’s future directly opposes the feelings of gratitude of what we already have, implying that our life isn’t enough… more importantly that I am not enough.

I often ask myself what else I should do… what else can I take on…. And I wonder if that means that I am not fulfilled now?

So as I drove back from a quick last minute Christmas shopping expedition, I mentally listed everything that I am / do…

I am first a mother; a mother who is involved in her boys’ lives – mealtimes, bedtimes, journey times, happy times, sadtimes, bathtime and story times… on the sidelines, in the audience, behind the camera and always ready for cuddles, kisses, snuggles and holding hands.

I am a wife; a wife who loves her Big Man wholeheartedly, honestly…

I am a sounding board … to brainstorm and proof read, to calm and cheerlead.

I am a cook, a cleaner (sometimes in emergencies!), a housekeeper, a hairdresser (especially when the boys take the scissors to their own hair), a nurse (I administer bandages and calpol)… I am a taxi driver.

I am a sister and a sister in law.

I am a daughter and a daughter in law.

I am a friend, acquaintance and work colleague to lots.

I am loyal and loving friend to those who are the same to me.

I am novice blogger.

I am a Mosaic Mentor.

I am a pioneer in an industry that is growing in reputation.

I am an entrepreneur, a global business owner.

I am a coach, a leader, a visionary…

I am a consultant of botanical health and beauty products.

I am an agile methodology expert, a project & portfolio manager, a product expert, a business solutions expert…. (When and if I ever choose to be again.)

I am a runner, a weightlifter, a spinning cyclist.

I am a health nut!

I am an unqualified nutritionist, advising from personal experience.

I am a constant student. I love to read. I love to listen..

I am my own person.

I am enough.

As I listed all that… I realized I am enough… right now. If I lay here under my blanket of fog and stayed in the valley… I am enough

But….

But I know that there is more in me. I want to take a magnifying glass and magnify everything that I do and that I am … I want to be better, bigger, brighter…

I know that the only thing I can do to lift the fog, is to start imagining what it is like on the other side of the fog…   to imagine what it would be like to be a better mother, wife, friend, mentor, coach, leader, pioneer. I need to see in my mind what it will be like to own a business that turns over £million… to be married, happily for the same man for 20 years, to have happy, healthy, sporty, strapping 18 year old sons, to have a life of freedom and of quality, abundance… of giving back and doing more for those who have less.

I am enough.

But bring on the day dream.

Bring on the climb.

Bring on the view from the top.

Bring on the adventure after the adventure!

Bring on the person I will become.

#patience

#Iamenough

#dreambig

#climbeverymountain

We would all do well to awaken the inner child within us.

We would all do well to see the delight in everything and let the joy shine through our faces and spread it and let it touch those around us.

We would all do well to say at the start of each day ‘this is going to be the best day ever!’.

We would all do well to say at the end of each day ‘this was the best day ever, thank you!’

We would all do well to spend more time with people, children, like that…

I love spending time with my eldest son… this is how he lives his life. And not just on his birthday…

It is no wonder that he is always happy…

It is no wonder that he is so beautiful…

It is no wonder that he has lots of friends..

It is no wonder that everyone loves him…

This has been the best day ever…

And tomorrow is going to be even better!

#happy

#positivevibes

Sunday night with the Big Man.

An exceptional night.

Sunday day without the sadness that he would be leaving.

An exceptional day.

I am going to revel in the calmness of it all, despite the marathon wrapping session.

I am going to revel in the memory of the boys running together along the river bank, as the sun went down and the moon came up.

I am going to revel in the memory of the giddy, smiley faces, muddy knees.

I am going to bed happy, knowing that for the first Monday in a long time, the family will have breakfast at the start of the week together.

I am going to bed excited, because I know Tom will be bounding on our bed at the crack of dawn.

I am going to bed with a sense of peace and gratitude.

Today I received a ‘save the date’ for a 40^th in August.

It sent me into a flat spin!

I turn 40 in less than 4 weeks time…. And I haven’t organized anything!

We’ve discussed going away, staying at home. I discussed holding a joint birthday with a friend earlier this week, I discussed doing nothing at all with James…

I’ve never really done anything for my birthday of great size or grandeur which I feel somewhat pressured to do to mark this occasion..

I don’t really remember my 10^th birthday… but I know I never got the party .. Mum didn’t like parties in the house and as I was January, I didn’t get a party. Instead, I got a wonderful treat with 2 friends – a trip to the ballet or the theatre in London, which was a huge excitement!

For my 20^th, I was at uni, in my first year… I don’t remember it, purely because of the sheer amount of alcohol I consumed… I think we started in TGI Friday… who knows where I ended up!

For my 21^st, I was living in Bordeaux… My Dad generously paid for my flat mates and I to go out for a lovely meal… and I remember I think we went for a quick meal and then used the rest of the fund to go on a bar crawl around the beautiful city… There was a lot of red wine. There were a lot of cobbled streets. It wasn’t a good combination for girls in heels!

For my 30^th, we had just returned from our amazing 3 plus week honeymoon – 2 weeks on the most beautiful Safari around Kenya, Christmas in barefoot luxury and then back to the Alps skiing with friends for New Year. We celebrated with my bridesmaids and best friends and James cooked the most amazing meal… his crème brulee is still the best I have ever tasted…

For my 40^th…

I know I hold the pen to write whatever comes next…

For my 40^th…

I would like to feel happy. I would like to feel relaxed…

For my 40^th…

I would like to eat cake with my boys, my Big Man and my family…

For my 40^th…

…I think I will ponder some more.

For my 40^th…

Watch this space…

I have a fully belly.

It is full of pheasant, dauphinois potatoes, champagne and salmon, mince pies and blue cheese. I have had too much chateau neuf du pape.
It is family Christmas.

Pip is here.

The family mortimer together.

I can’t feel my legs….
I can’t write anymore…. But I got this today in my WordPress news feed!

Yay for me!!!!! #commitmenttotheblog

Is anyone else in Christmas Chaos?

Is anyone else powering through the Christmas lists?

I am a woman on a mission….

There are two big days looming on the horizon…

There are two little boys who deserve a mega Christmas

There is one little man who deserves the best eighth birthday…

There is nothing like a date or a deadline to get the wheels in motion, to get the momentum going.

There is nothing like a date or a deadline to get the job done…

There is nothing like a date or a deadline to prioritise the necessary from the frills… prioritise what needs to get done and what can wait…. Or even binned!

Christmas, birthdays and anniversarys are the same date every year… so why does it always end up being crazy chaos!?

I think I secretly like it… the chaos and the momentum adds to the excitement… it adds fuel to the adrenalin! Where’s the fun in having everything wrapped and organized, labeled or tidied away?

If you have too much time on your hands, you can overthink, procrastinate… with the momentum crescendo-ing, quick decisions and gut judgements are order of the day… you have to go with your instincts… and just go for it!

Blog or wrap…. Blog

Wine or V&T… hmm.. Cup of tea!

Chocolate or raspberries… both

Greys or Private Practcie… PP (wardrobe tips from Addie required)

See – easy! I am on it!

And now to wrap!

This year I was more prepared.

This year I was more emotionally prepared.

The first time I was asked to support an evening at the Breast Clinic in St James’ hospital in Leeds, I had to make several trips to the bathroom to hold my nerve, dry my eyes, take several deep breaths.   The first time the Breast Clinic held their pamper evening a couple of years ago, only a few people attended and the nurses brought out patients from the ward. Speaking to these few women took my breathe away… their stories of strength and resilience, their tales of their families and life.

Tonight, the Clinic, and I were far more prepared. It was an incredible event this evening, the objective to provide an informal evening where patients, families and staff could enjoy many treatments from Reiki and massage to having their nails done and a complete makeover. It was a fun evening with a glass of something nice and something sweet to eat.

I was invited by one of my closest friends, also my business partner and one of the Consultant Oncoplastic Surgeons in the Leeds Breast Clinic.

Tonight, we lay out our skincare ranges, our cosmetic cases and our brushes and we welcomed ladies in to our treatment room.

It soon became abundantly clear that the evening wasn’t just about pampering… That was just a very clever ruse… a clever disguise.. it was an evening for these ladies and families to relax, to ask questions, share their stories, bond with those treating with them, bond with other patients….

Some of the ladies, as they sat down in my ‘hot seat’… were visibly nervous, trembling, shy… none of them were wearing make-up.

As I lay my hands on their faces and gently massaged beautiful, fresh smelling products in to their skin, I asked them questions quietly about their family, their children, their animals… I told them about mine.

As I lay my hands on their faces, and gave them colour in their cheeks, eyebrows and lashes, I felt them soften, I felt them relax.

As I lay my hands on their faces, they shared their story. They shared their cancer story… they shared how their friends reacted, how their work place responded. They shared how they felt. They shared their fear.

As I lay my hands on their faces, they shared their strength. They shared their dreams for the future, their plans for Christmas.

As I lay my hands on their faces, they asked my friend questions about the future treatments, what would happen next, possible outcomes…

As I lay my hands on their faces, they began to smile, they began to laugh…

As they walked out of our room, they walked a little taller, a little straighter, with a little more confidence.

And the confidence didn’t come from the makeover.

I just got into bed and turned off the light… Thinking of all the nice things that had happened and what I am grateful for… 
And then it dawned on me I hadn’t blogged!!!!
#firsttimeforeverything

#busymum

#businessowner

#christmasiscoming

#tomsbirthdaycountdown

#listseverywhere