For the last month, it feels like I have been in a deep valley. A valley cloaked in fog and mist… representative of the exhaustion from the storm of emotions that have whirled around me in the last quarter of 2015.
While I no longer feel depressed, weighed down by the fog, I can still feel it lingering at the top of the hills, and mountains that I want to climb… They are masking my dreams and ability to visualize the view from the top.
I have often and still continue to battle between the importance of gratitude for everything that I have, that I am … and the importance of visualization, goal setting and future planning. I sometimes feel that one contradicts the other… that wanting more for my future, my family’s future directly opposes the feelings of gratitude of what we already have, implying that our life isn’t enough… more importantly that I am not enough.
I often ask myself what else I should do… what else can I take on…. And I wonder if that means that I am not fulfilled now?
So as I drove back from a quick last minute Christmas shopping expedition, I mentally listed everything that I am / do…
I am first a mother; a mother who is involved in her boys’ lives – mealtimes, bedtimes, journey times, happy times, sadtimes, bathtime and story times… on the sidelines, in the audience, behind the camera and always ready for cuddles, kisses, snuggles and holding hands.
I am a wife; a wife who loves her Big Man wholeheartedly, honestly…
I am a sounding board … to brainstorm and proof read, to calm and cheerlead.
I am a cook, a cleaner (sometimes in emergencies!), a housekeeper, a hairdresser (especially when the boys take the scissors to their own hair), a nurse (I administer bandages and calpol)… I am a taxi driver.
I am a sister and a sister in law.
I am a daughter and a daughter in law.
I am a friend, acquaintance and work colleague to lots.
I am loyal and loving friend to those who are the same to me.
I am novice blogger.
I am a Mosaic Mentor.
I am a pioneer in an industry that is growing in reputation.
I am an entrepreneur, a global business owner.
I am a coach, a leader, a visionary…
I am a consultant of botanical health and beauty products.
I am an agile methodology expert, a project & portfolio manager, a product expert, a business solutions expert…. (When and if I ever choose to be again.)
I am a runner, a weightlifter, a spinning cyclist.
I am a health nut!
I am an unqualified nutritionist, advising from personal experience.
I am a constant student. I love to read. I love to listen..
I am my own person.
I am enough.
As I listed all that… I realized I am enough… right now. If I lay here under my blanket of fog and stayed in the valley… I am enough
But I know that there is more in me. I want to take a magnifying glass and magnify everything that I do and that I am … I want to be better, bigger, brighter…
I know that the only thing I can do to lift the fog, is to start imagining what it is like on the other side of the fog… to imagine what it would be like to be a better mother, wife, friend, mentor, coach, leader, pioneer. I need to see in my mind what it will be like to own a business that turns over £million… to be married, happily for the same man for 20 years, to have happy, healthy, sporty, strapping 18 year old sons, to have a life of freedom and of quality, abundance… of giving back and doing more for those who have less.
I am enough.
But bring on the day dream.
Bring on the climb.
Bring on the view from the top.
Bring on the adventure after the adventure!
Bring on the person I will become.