There are days when an event can really remind you that your life can change in an instant.  On the spin of a dime.

 

And at those times, it is so important to stop and reflect on the important things in life.  The things that you wouldn’t want to wake up one morning without.

 

Taking one of those moments.

Today was a special day.
I got to spend it with just one son. The big one. The awesome one. The kind and funny one. The one who will melt hearts with just one look and one smile, just as he melts mine.
I ate a frog. One that I have been meaning to eat all week. It tasted good. Took a while… But it is eaten.
I ran up a hill. Multiple times. My ham strings need a good stretch… But there is just no time.
I made cakes. I forgot about the cakes. The kitchen smells of delicious burnt sugar. 
I have a new miracle morning routine. Move over Hal Elrod and welcome Tony Robbins… I love Hal, but Tony is my man.
I learnt something new. Kundalini breathing. It is weird. But just 2 minutes and I felt great… Abs of steel on their way and keeping Alzheimers at bay.
I am sitting on the bench admiring the front lawn, freshly cut, with the Big Man and the cat…. 
It has been a special day. 

I would have loved to indulge my recent secret crush and invested my day watching and daydreaming about my 6’7” American hunk… but today was all about my young blond heart-throbs…

 

The eruption of World War 3 continued late in to the night last night… it only ended when the ‘enemy’ believed the battle was lost.. or maybe even won in his eyes.  The Big Man took over and told him Mummy had gone out.  He was asleep in 2 minutes.

 

I know Willy plays me.  We can be as stubborn as each other.  The stand off would last all night.  Thank goodness for the go-between, the cavalry…

 

Pre kids, pre-marriage even… one of my favourite evenings in was with my BFF when we would curl up on the sofa with a large bar of dairy milk and watch ‘Super Nanny’.  Who knows why!???  We were probably 20 at the time and about 10 years off even thinking about having children.  But we loved it… laughing at how easy Super Nanny would make parenting look.

 

It always boiled down to giving kids time… with your full attention, playing with them … and always setting boundaries.  If those boundaries were crossed, then it was clear explanation why it was wrong, time out on ‘the naughty step’.  She would also always have great ideas about positive reinforcement of good behaviour – the introduction of sticker charts, prize boxes… and probably even marble jars (I just don’t remember them…)

 

So today, was all about resetting boundaries, levelling the ‘battle field’, showing them who was boss – Mummy rather than friend.    Those boundaries that had slipped, retreated in to the mist over the holidays.

 

And it was all about having lots of fun together.  Face to face, no distractions, Mummy and boy time.

 

Amazing the change this evening to yesterday.

 

Well done Super Nanny!

 

 

 

 

I’ve got to hand it to Willy.  He is one stubborn little ‘you know what’.

 

On the train back to Paris, he let me in on his grand plan.  His grand plan to earn £66 to buy the two big packs of pokemon and a pokemon tin.

 

He told me with such wide eyed excitement, impressive hand and arm gestures that I couldn’t help but get caught up in his passion.  He was going to make lots of paper aeroplanes and houses.  And sell them on the road outside the house.

 

He asked me for boxes to put them in.

He asked me how much he should sell them for.  I asked him what he thought.  He looked up to the sky, and thoughtfully answered, ‘Normal planes, 50p, Jets £1’.

I asked him if he would pay that for a paper plane.   Again, the little head cocked to the side. ‘No’.. came the answer.

…..

 

Then… ‘ok – I won’t sell paper planes, I will sell my toys’.

 

I didn’t think of it again until yesterday (the train pulled in to York) but at 8am when he had brought all his unwanted toys to the kitchen and asked for bags to put them in so he could go and sell them outside, I realised he was actually serious.

 

And that is where the problems started yesterday.  The boys were in summer camp starting at 8.30… but not just that, I didn’t want my blue eyed, blond angel sitting on the roadside where I couldn’t see him!

 

So our battle of wills then started.  I tried delay tactics – none of the items were priced (he asked for selotape and paper), he couldn’t go outside on the road (yes he could), no one walks passed our house (yes they did), no one who would want to buy toys passes our house (how do you know?), he didn’t have a license to sell in public (he would get one)… and on we went.

 

I was saved by the rain yesterday.

 

Today, Willy refused to go to camp.  Screaming about wanting his £66!  That he wanted to sell!  That he had priced up all his toys so he would get £58 and he needed it today!

 

After 45 minutes of trying to peel him off me, co-erce him in to staying to play football, a run, a meditation and a lie down later, I was ready to start my day!

 

Only to find little angry man to pick up later still shouting about his toy stall, his £66 and his pokemon.

 

For 30 minutes while my car was in the car wash, we talked through the different options of making £66.  He could do jobs around our house and Granny’s and make money – the weeding, taking the bins out, doing his laundry, washing the car…

 

“I DO NOT WANT TO DO THOSE JOBS, I WANT TO SELL”….

 

That was the only answer that came out of his little determined mouth from a red angry face.

 

He is nothing, if not persistent when he knows what he wants.

 

So I have decided, that even though he won’t listen to my advice based on experience on how and where he might want to sell his things or give him alternative ways to earn money….  He can learn through experience.  He is too little to read the brilliant John C Maxwell’s book ‘failing forward’ but I can teach him by doing and showing…

 

He can learn through making his own mistakes, altering his plan to take in to account those mistakes, improve, try different things… and keep going ‘til he finds something that works and works for him and he gets the results he wants for him…  I had been holding him back based on my experiences… the results I want for him…

 

So at 5.30pm this evening, he made shop at the end of our drive in our little lane. Laid out his toys and sat patiently.

 

At 6.05pm, he came in with a big smile – ‘no one came, Mum!’ and then ‘Can I have a hat?’

 

I asked what it was for.

 

‘So I can do some drumming and people can put coins in my hat’.

 

… so I am sat here waiting for his next tweak… because I think he may be drumming for quite a while, on our little lane that no one passes down…

 

And we will go back to the drawing board again!

 

 

Oh my goodness.  We have some tired little people!  I think the 11pm bedtimes, early rises and all the excitement of the week is catching up with them…

 

I remember as babies I used to call the hour before bed ‘the witching hour’… the last hour I kept them awake, distracting them with a bath, a bottle, a book, a final play and cuddle before putting out the lights, walking softly away to poor myself something to congratulate myself for holding my nerve, holding my temper…. Or on some occasions, to commiserate having not been able to.  The witching hour.

 

It seemed to have faded as the boys grew older, became more aware of their emotions, feelings of hunger or tiredness.  Or I read the signs better… maybe?     The wheels would only fall off the bus again and we would find ourselves at witching hour if we were all tired… me as well as them and the witching hour became ‘frustration hour’ or ‘who could shout the loudest hour’…

 

Tonight my little men are both up in their rooms.

 

Tom feeling sick he is so tired that he can’t eat or speak.

 

Willy is little angry man.  Nice as pie as he came home from football, ate a mountain of chilli and then as 6 o’clock struck, it was like a switch had been flicked and the red angry face stared at me out of white blond hair curtains….

 

I have resorted to the same as when they were babies.  Bath.  Book. Bottle (for me). And cuddles.  Quiet time for us all.

 

Lights out in 10.

Ah…. It is so lovely to type on the soft keys of my beloved laptop, rather than thumb tap on my phone to blog…

 

This morning, the thought crossed my mind about what kind of legacy I would leave…. ?

 

I had woken to a message from my best friend and sister-in-law sending a lovely photo and the words ‘the legacy of Annie lives on!’.  In the picture, she was wearing the beautiful, soft white fur wrap that my Mumbo had made for her as my bridesmaid.

 

Amongst many things, my Mumbo left a legacy of beautiful dresses and clothes she had handmade hanging in her wardrobes:  ball gowns, cocktail dresses and bridesmaid dresses for my sister and I as well as many outfits for herself over the years.  Hand stitched, applique, machine stitched, crochet and knitted.  She had a talent.  And her legacy reached many for those who had one of her items.  The legacy of the talent lives on in my sister… less for me, although I sew a good name tape!

 

As we left the Park this morning, hoards of people were flowing in and out of the arched gates with the universal outline of a mouse with big ears.  Walt left a legacy.  A legacy of fun.  A legacy of laughter.  50 years after his death, he left a legacy for anyone of all ages to enjoy – in our group aged 2 to 80. Through his characters, his drawings, his cartoons, movies and his amusement parks.

 

Hence my question…

 

A legacy:  something left or handed down by a predecessor.

 

A legacy will live on for any parent in their children, clearly.  In their looks, their mannerisms and talents..   But I wondered what else?

 

As I was thinking upon this in the shower, I returned to see another message pop up …   And coupled with my dream statements and life story, I know that I will.

 

It may not be on the scale of Walt… but then I wonder if he ever dreamt or even believed at 27 when he drew his first picture of Mickey Mouse, the scale of the legacy that he would leave?

 

“First day baking down.  And next step goals in place – proper patisserie course as well as the cake decorating course.  Why am I telling you?  Because you (probably without even knowing) have been an inspiration over this past year I have learnt that taking tiny steps and counting all my small wins and gratitude, will make me far happier than chasing success just to impress others. And that any dream is possible, you just have to start and continue forward.”

 

A legacy can be left in so many ways – financially, belongings, property as well as the generational familial traits.  But through your actions it can also be left in the hearts and lives of others and how they go on to leave a legacy of their own.

 

The words I read, and that I had touched just one life and made it better left filled me with immense pride and happiness.

 

If I can get as many messages over the years like the one I received this morning as my Mum left dresses, I will be smiling as I leave.

 

My dream is that I will receive 100’s, even 1000’s, more!

 

And as Walt, the inspiration himself says… ‘First, think. Second, believe.  Third, dream.  And finally, dare.”

 

 

 

Life is a roller coaster…. 
And today I rode my first roller coaster totally on my own. The first time to go solo.  
Interesting.
My thoughts on the event:
1. You can do some sneaky manoeuvres to get to the front of the queue.

2. The scary bits, the twists and turns and times where you get turned upside down, your bones rattle and your head hurts…. Are the most exhilarating… And when you come out the otherside, there’s is pure elation!

3. When it is all over, you are left wanting more… More heart-stopping lurches and corkscrews, ups and downs and inside outs.

4. The flat and non eventful bits are boring. 

5. It’s definitely far more fun when you have someone you love next to you. 

6. And even more fun when there are lots of loved ones in the same ride!
As I said. Interesting…. 

Early this morning as we entered the park in ‘Magic hours’ (the time for hotel guests only), we walked through the gates to be greeted with a scene of 4 gardeners per beautifully manicured flower bed. Some were working the outside small shrubs, pulling out little weeds, deadheading and picking up brown leaves. And in the middle of the bushes we saw just the tops of heads as the men worked the middle of the densest part of the shrubbery. 
It reminded me so much of one of my favourite epiphanies of personal growth – the concept of mental gardening: The practice of rooting out the weeds of the mind, the bad thoughts and the negative emotions.  
However the book I am reading at the moment is also helping appreciate that it isn’t just the pulling out of weeds that is necessary. To make a beautiful garden, one of beauty and of plenty, you have to fill the space in between the weeds. 
Not only with physical experiences and pleasures but for someone such as me who has such an active and incredibly vocal mind, then positive verbiage, words and language that can fill the void of the banished negative self talk. 
Completing each chapter’s ‘self love gym’ I have been given daily tasks to complete, example Phrases, scentences, declarations in all honesty, to repeat over and over in my head. I have been given the task of recognising the power of body language and the impact that has on my mindset.
And today I read the chapter on shame. And how I can rewrite my shameful thoughts and hard wired harmful beliefs into positive memories and create new empowering beliefs. 
I like best the bit about dancing shame away… The minute it happens.. Break into dance until you laugh! Push out the shameful memory and laugh at the smallness of it all… 
So back to my thoughts about the 4 gardeners: 2 to weed out around the periphery and 2 to plant in the core of the flower beds. In my mind as I work to rid my headspace of the suffocating, stifling, unnecessary and harmful thoughts, I need to replace the space with beauty, love, light, bright and powerful ones. 

Walt Disney’s quote sums up today… And sums up my wonderfully new octogenarian Dad! 
‘Growing up is mandatory, but growing old is optional’…

I have often wondered what goes on in the mind of a little boy… And on an 8 hour train journey, I found out!! 
On a trip to get some books and games to keep the boys amused for the trip, both boys chose a writing pad and pens.. And after a while, willy got out his pad and started writing….
I love his completely phonetic writing … But will write in proper English!
1. To mummy and daddy thank you for taking me on holiday. I was always wanting to go here. From willy

2. To mummy and daddy I am really excited (rilee exsitid) to see the magic and I was really looking forward (lucing for wud) to see it. From willy.

3. To mummy and daddy I was wondering what they made at the restaurant because I have been in this restaurant before. From willy.

4. To mummy and daddy I wonder what (wun Der wot) my bedroom is going to look like. I wish it will look cool (cowll). From willy.

5. To mummy and daddy I wonder what it will look like under water. From willy. 

6. To mummy and daddy when we get to Disneyland and the next day can we go and see the castle (casull) because I was really desperate (desprut) to see it.

7. To mummy why do you need so many Arbonne stuff because I always see a box and I think it is my Pokemon tin but it is not then I get angry at myself.
The simplicity. 

The wonderment.

The intrigue.

The honesty.
I must re-order him a new Pokemon tin. I wonder where the original went? I wonder!