Heart

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

There are good days and there are not so good days. There are bad days and really bad days… and it feels like most recently there have been more sad and therefore bad days for me recently.

So I sit here tonight to write my ‘no longer than 30 minute blog’… relieved to have had a really good day. There were so many moments that I felt my heart swell and feel overwhelmed with happiness and gratitude… and my little broken, dehydrated heart is feeling recharged, replenished from it; the cage that I have been building up around it to protect it started to become weaker, maybe even left unlocked…

I felt huge, overwhelming love this morning as I was lying on the floor doing a pilates curl as Willy snuck in to the snug before his wake up time, face hidden behind his lallies and his teddies, hair on end, eyes sleepy, nose snuffly as he lay down on top of me and snuggled in. There is no better way to start the day…. With unconditional love flowing both ways, no words, just feelings.

I felt a second injection of the same unconditional love as Tom walks in 15 minutes later, perfectly dressed, his beautiful tousled hair, his rose bud lips offered up for multiple kisses before breaking in to his happy morning smiles.

My heart pumped with joy as ‘Singapore’ called… and the joy spread through my veins as ‘Singapore’ turned to plans of China, UK, Australia, global expansion of spreading love and joy and health and wellbeing…

My heart skipped a little beat, a little drum roll of grateful love, gratitude, relief and happiness of finding 4 lovely new friends, life lines, who have been my rays of light, hope over coffee… as we all shared that we felt the same..

My heart raced and felt alive as I joined an impromptu circuit class, it felt powerful and strong…

My heart felt comforted to know there are others like me, with lost mothers… to know there are other hearts out there that sometimes stop, have the air squeezed out of them, quite suddenly for no reason, just at the sound of a song…

My heart sang. Really sang…. Just as loudly and as out of tune as Tom and I sang all the way home, holding hands, singing One D, Uptown Funk, Bryan Adams and laughing as we got the words wrong… laughing at each other – my eyes looking at the mirror image of my eyes, dancing, alive in the face of a little boy…

My heart was filled with pride, hearing from global leaders, entrepreneurs, hearing from heroes who have overcome their fears, being in a room full of people with the same values of honesty, authenticity, integrity, light, laughter and love as I have…

Your heart sings when you know you have made the right choices.

And the choices are right, when they are made from the heart.

And maybe that is why my head is hurting tonight … it wants some attention. Today, I lived outside my head and in my heart.

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How am I?

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

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Following my update a few days ago, many lovely caring friends have been in touch to ask how I am…

This has surprised me in a couple of ways…

Firstly, how many people actually are reading my blog! I actually cannot tell who or how many read it unless they ‘like’ or ‘follow’… I am secretly thrilled at how many people are enjoying it and at the same time, secretly totally freaked out by how many people now know my deepest darkest thoughts! This started as a way for me to get through the sandwich years – both looking after multiple generations but also the transition I am going through from being a solid, successful corporate career person, to professional mum, entrepreneur, coach and mentor… wifely PA! It seems that what I write resonates with a few…

Secondly… I had to ask myself the question ‘how am I’ in order to actually reply to the many questions … some people I have ignored. Which is very rude. But I wasn’t sure how to answer at the time…

So How am I?

I have gone through a list of multiple emotions that I think many expect the response to be:

Sad. Sure. But not overwhelmingly…

Worried. Sure.. but there is nothing I can do about any outcome or the situation…

Emotional. Of course.. but again, not overwhelming.

Helpless… Yes. But only in terms of being able to help my Mum, but again, no point in dwelling on that because the people who can help her are all around her.

So if not the expected answers…

How am I?

As I received another message from a friend today, I was on the treadmill… and the acute feeling I had all of a sudden was gratitude. I felt my shoulders relax and my feet beneath me swing effortlessly as I turned up the pace.

Gratitude…

I am hugely grateful that I can go down and spend time with my Mum and Dad tomorrow. I am hugely grateful for my credit card to pay for train tickets, money in the bank, for friends who are helping me out with looking after both the boys while I am away and ferrying them to and from school and feeding them.

I am hugely grateful that my Mum is in a hospital that still cares enough to do tests to find out what’s going on in her body, her brain and to find the medication that will make her life a little easier. I am hugely grateful that my Dad is still fit and healthy enough to be there to support her.

I am hugely grateful that my sister was there with my Dad when they got the scary report. I am so lucky to have a sister who is so methodical, calm, knowledgeable.

I am hugely grateful that I found a lifeline. For when I connect the dots back in my life… nothing has happened for no reason, in fact, every experience has served a purpose in the journey of my life to date.

I found a lifeline just over two years ago, that brought into my life all the ‘tools’ I needed to get through this period of difficulty, as well as a time last year when it felt like my life had unhinged itself from reality.

I am grateful for the mentors, the coaches, the leaders I have learnt from who have shared their knowledge and experiences and especially the book recommendations on how to grow yourself and therefore myself in to a better, more mindful, calmer, spiritual, abundant and grateful person; someone who can overcome obstacles, tangible, mental or otherwise.

I am grateful for the professionals who have taught me about nutrition, health and the importance of feeding the body and the soul to live out a life of longevity.

I am grateful for the many friends I have in my life that provide a support network – whether it be to have coffee and cake in the coffee shops around York (except we all drink herbal tea and eat seed bars.. honest guv!); friends in whatsapp groups who remind me that ‘Mental Gardening’ is the positive change that will improve the lives of so many; colleagues I work with who encourage and inspire me to continually step out of my comfort zone and grow and learn; honest and close friends who know when it has been time to give me a kick up the backside and get on with my life! I think one even said ‘it’s time to strap on a pair and walk like John Wayne’!!! I am grateful for all friends for whatever part they play – a drink, a laugh, a moan…

I am so grateful that our current weekend family life has taught me that I can let go of my career, the titles, the pay cheques and the biggest wrench of all – my ego. I am grateful that this experience has made me brave enough to start new things, have the courage to learn to mentor and teach, to bare my soul through blogging…

I am grateful that I am now able to connect the dots back and see that everything in the past has happened for a reason, even if it felt like a tragedy, a disaster at the time. Each experience has a part to play in the adventure of life… and it always ends up working out for the best, even if just a lesson to learn.

This is just another life experience and sadly one we will go through with 4 parents, or 4 grandparents to the boys. And there in itself is another gratitude – I am so grateful that our sons have been so lucky to enjoy and benefit from the company and love of 4 amazing people.

As I drive to school, feeling this sense of gratitude, of happiness as I go to pick up the smiliest boy in the world, I am called by a friend of mine’s mother who needs to pay me some money! I haven’t seen her since my school days and we have a lovely catch up. She asks about my children, what my husband does, where I live and finally asks why her daughter owes me money? I explain that I had a wake up call 2 years ago and wanted to spend more time with my family, so I had left a team and career I loved and started a new business in health and wellness and that her daughter had wanted some of my nutritional products, to ensure she gets the right nutrients when she is racing around after everyone else! I explained how this business enabled me to still see my children, but still have a sense of purpose and a challenge.

Her response still gives me goose bumps… and tears in my eyes; ‘Ali! Ten thousand cheers for you! Keep it up! You are doing absolutely the right thing by using your intuition and your initiative… looking after your children yourself is the best job you can do! And if you find something else that fits with it, that is brilliant. Keep it up.’

The tears are in my eyes are of happiness because I know that if my Mum knew what I was doing, those would be her words; she would have been my biggest customer and my biggest champion.

So how am I?

Grateful and happy!

Are you ‘Wendy’ enough?

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

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It’s 5pm… and I have a drink. A stiff one. My favourite cocktail thanks to a fab friend – very kitsch, very 80’s… it’s Cointreau, Lime and soda, lots of ice…. If you haven’t tried it… you seriously should. Long and full of vitamin C… it is definitely medicinal.

It is a Friday so surely allowed? It’s a little earlier than my usual weekend drink… but today I think I deserve it! A hot bus for 4 hours with 45, noisy, squeally, excited 7 year olds… Their excitement infectious, but at points I wish I had ear plugs… It was a school trip to ‘The Deep’ in Hull…. A fab day trip out.

The drink is to try and relax my tense shoulders and neck… I was responsible for 6 children, 5 not my own, in the dark, who ran from one station to the next, muddling and mixing and darting into other pools of similar looking children… running up and down ramps, hiding behind pillars…. I didn’t lose any, I hearded them up multiple times and started to use the phrase ‘Team Mortimer’ and like little homing pigeons, they would come back.

What was interesting and intrigued and totally fascinated me today was how I could recognise many of the children by the traits they share with the parent that I have met. And not just their faces, bone structure, eyes or hair… but the way they spoke, the phrases they used, the mannerisms.   Some parents would be so proud of their children.

It made me consider and reflect on the class discussions I had yesterday with my 15 ten year old girls. From totally different backgrounds, cultures, home lives and support networks from the children today. The topic yesterday, was about role models. What did they understand about the term? Who were their role models?

A role model, ‘a person looked to by others as an example to be imitated’.

We talked through many role models from Zoella (who I had not heard of before I few weeks ago, when my local friends with daughters provided me with some good ideas!), Princes Catherine, Jessica Ennis, Mary Berry, JK Rowling to Malala Yousafzai and many more. We discussed the values, behaviours and attitudes of these women, and men too (David Attenborough, Richard Branson) and put post it notes all over our class Role Model ‘Wendy’…

They wrote: kind, helpful, pretty, happy, strong, healthy, inspirational, passionate, committed, fashionable, smiley, believer, caring, listener, never gives up, motivated, creative, honest, giving, loving, generous and spoke the truth.

Once they knew the definition and characteristics of a role model, we asked who their role models were…   answers were parents, grandparents, social workers, their class mates, their brothers, sisters and celebrities I had never heard the names of but who apparently were brilliant according to them, but whom I have subsequently found out have rather unsavoury sides..

So my question to myself – am I the type of role model that my son’s, my nieces, my goddaughters, these girls I stand in front of should imitate?

If we are present in the lives of others, especially those younger, more vulnerable than us, then we owe it to them to be that role model. Be the good person, the committed person, the optimist, the authentic, compassionate as well as passionate, courageous, abundant role model who speaks the truth, acts with kindess and in servitude.

We owe it to the generations to come to be the best versions of ourselves so that our children duplicate us… because they do you know! When you aren’t there, they speak the words you speak, their bodies mimic the way you stand, gesticulate and hold your head. They copy your confidence, your happiness just as much as your fears and tears…

Our behaviour is a silent signal to those around us… and if you are in a role of responsibility, whether that be parent, leader, CEO, boss, manager, bigger brother, sister, that means you. People do what you do, not what you say and especially so when you are not there…..

So am I Wendy?  Are you Wendy?  Can we ever be Wendy enough?  Does Wendy exist in reality?  Who knows…? but if we each strive to be like her, be a better person, commit to being a little better each week, then the ripple effect would be enormous and the world must surely benefit…

Cheers! My Cointreau is dry and I need another!

Can I or Can’t I?

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

What a whirlwind day!

This morning feels like weeks ago…. So much has happened today.

I have done pilates and a PT (big shout out to Andy www.sweatpersonaltraining.co.uk). Lead a vibrant, fun, interactive class on role models to 15 ten year old girls where they covered ‘Wendy’ in lots of post-it notes of positive behaviours and had lunch with a lovely friend.   Laughed so hard it hurt when Tom decided to go old school and listen to the CD’s and Christmas Crooners came on! We sang ‘Jingle Bells’ and ‘Santa Claus is coming to town’ and loads more all the way home. Took Willy swimming and dropped round samples of amazing new products to all my sporty friends who want to get more out of their workouts. Listened to some fantastic, inspirational people share their top tips for success and researched places to go for our 10 year wedding anniversary. Sat in a coffee shop for 40 minutes and ate a frog.

And then I just signed up for a Triathlon.

Just a sprint.

But it is still a bone fide Tri.

For ages, years in fact, I have watched James and many of our friends enter competitions. I thought it was a post baby phase that everyone was going through. I couldn’t be because they like wearing lycra (or is it?)… or that they like swimming in ponds and eating duck and swan pooh….

I kept telling myself, I can’t do that. I am not like them. Nah – that’s not for me…. I like my quick 30-50 minutes of exercise and it can all be done in just over an hour.

So many people have encouraged me to do one, or go on a big cycle ride with them. So why today?

Why indeed?

Why was it the lovely Pen who just happened to mention it, didn’t even really have to convince me. And I said – ok – I will do it with you. How do I sign up? What do I do? What do I need? Where do I go? Where do I practice? And then it was done.

So I ask myself why?   Why?

I have found myself doing lots of things recently that I have thought for a long time that I couldn’t do. It seems that I have cleared my mind of can’t… and replaced it with ‘can’… or the question ‘how can I?’.

Rather than I can’t leave my profession, the one I have worked at, excelled at and enjoyed for so long…. I now think, how can I use my experience to benefit others? Now I don’t feel like it has been all in vain.

Rather than ‘I can’t start my own business, I have no idea, I have always worked in corporate, I can’t not have a permanent, fixed, guaranteed salary. I can’t take risks.  I can’t teach, coach, be ‘just a mum’..’…. My mind is now always thinking, I can totally achieve success, grow a business, others have done it – I just need to copy the best! Read up on Richard Branson, Bill Gates, Ariana Huffington.. how can I find out what they did? What else can I do, set up, start?  I can be a mum and still do all this stuff!

Rather than ‘I can’t walk the dog, I can’t love the dog’… I thought to myself ‘how can I love Perdi – everyone else does’… so I started to write a blog about her (https://ididntwantadog.wordpress.com/) and I found the funny side… It seems I do love Perdi.

Rather than I can’t get up at 5.30 every morning as Hal Elrod passionately advises us to do in his book ‘The Miracle Morning’, I need my sleep. I need 8 hours. Willy often wakes up… I can’t have a productive day on 5 hours sleep… I looked at myself and asked how can I? What if I just try 6.30am? if I can do that, surely I can do 6.15… and if I do each day a little bit earlier… I get a whole extra hour in my day or even more! Hal says all I have to do is tell myself each night before I go to sleep whatever time it is… ‘I am going to wake up refreshed and raring to go’… And so it seems I can get up at 6… (still working towards the 5.30 but it’s a lot better than 7.30 and the mad rush that follows!)

Rather than ‘I can’t forgive the wrongs, the hurtful words, actions that have impacted me, my self esteem, broken my heart, made me lose faith in friendships, relationships’… I tell myself ‘I can’. I can forgive, forget… I recognise the hurt, I know the scars are there, but that’s ok. I can move on. I am bigger, stronger, better.

So I have cleared my mind of ‘can’t’….

And this Tri thing… why not. I can do a Triathlon… easy.

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Dreamer… Nothing but a Dreamer!

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

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I have no idea where today’s entry is going to end up. I have 2 topics playing in my head… not sure which one to write about…

Maybe I will hash them together and see what happens!…

Or maybe I won’t… let’s just see where my fingers and my thoughts take me…

I am big on visualisation. Dreaming. Imagining…

Whatever you want to call it… but putting it out there, letting your mind wander to play out what you want to happen in any given situation. Since opening up my mind to the concept of the ‘Law of Attraction’ that is written about in the ‘Secret’ and so many other books on success in life and in business, this has played a major part in my life. In fact, I actually think it is something that I did before, unconsciously… Being clear on what you want, before you even have it and believing that there is no other possible future or outcome.

I know my husband is like this. He is very goal (slash dream) focused. He is a little OCD. No, a lot OCD. He likes his ducks all in a row… in everything. Everything in it’s place. Everything in order. Just to explain how particular he is, he can’t allow himself to sleep if there is the tiniest chink open in the curtains, or if the drawer isn’t fully shut and God forbid if there is one of my pesky pink socks hanging out! His future is mapped out in a spreadsheet – he knows where he (we) are going… and is on a plan, a mission to get there. He knew how many kids we would have, where we would live, what car(s) he would have… even before I did.

I love him for it. Someone was in charge of our future. Knew our destination…

He was the one who started the conversation on each of our anniversary’s – so what is this year all about? What do we want to do? The year we decided to get married, the year we decided to move to Yorkshire, have a child, have a second child… the year we decided to take our health and our fitness seriously after the belly bulging baby years. In the year of his ‘reassessment of life’, we even had 5 year goals, 10 year goals… what did we want our life to be like? Where did we want the boys to go to school? And always the discussion of what car or 2… or 3. Fast ones. (The only way he differs from his father is in terms of cars.)

Everything we dreamt about and the life we designed on beaches as we travelled the world in our early 20’s has come true: we live in Yorkshire, we have a beautiful home, we live in Boston Spa (his home village – the only place he had ever wanted to live ‘because it has everything you need without having to get into a car’… and it is in Yorkshire, ‘God’s own County’)… we have 2 children… and only 2 as there are only 2 lines for children on his spreadsheet (!! You can see why he is so successful in his chosen career) … he has his Porsche and a Range Rover… we have a dog and a cat (both had to be grey – called Perdi and Percy!!). Our boys go to the school he went to and loved the most. We are fit, healthy, successful in our chosen fields… Wonderful friends, too good a social life…

It’s only recently, that I understand and truly understand the theory behind it all. It was all instinctive before.

Now I really believe.

Now I understand the theory. What you think about most of the time, you bring about. What you focus on, expands. And if you use the time to imagine, to daydream and feel…. Really feel the emotions you will have when it all comes true, that…. That my friends is when the magic happens. And it is magic… or I think it is because I don’t understand the neurological science behind it… the chemicals you release or the messages you send your brain, the way it imprints your life by design, where you are happy, proud, fulfilled, in love, joyful… at peace.

Be warned here though – for all of you worriers (and I used to be one, maybe still am deep down but have learnt to refocus …)… remember that line – what you think about, you bring about. So if you are worrying, scared, fearful of the worst situation… imagine what messages that is sending in to your brain to imprint. Worry, I have learnt is a waste of energy and of time… wait and see what happens and then respond (not react) at the time, in the moment in a positive, helpful way.

I know this works.

I have seen it happen. In my own life. Many times.

The time we lost our first baby… devastation, grief, lack of faith in my body that I would ever conceive again or even have a child. I was introduced to visualisation by my grief counseller. She tried to help me visualize my baby, my child, in my arms… but I couldn’t see it in my mind. But I couldn’t see an elephant either. Or a water bottle… or James’ face. But I could see the herd of elephants that ran across our path in Kenya… and I could see myself pouring glasses of water and James smiling. I could see movement…  I could see myself walking up the high street pushing a pram proudly… and voila Tom was conceived shortly after and 9 months later on Christmas Eve, I gingerly, slowly, walked up the road, quietly celebrating what I had imagined in my mind, crying softly with gratitude.

And most recently, it has happened again. Earlier this year I did an exercise on who and what I wanted to be. I chose these pictures to look at daily while I cleaned my teeth and imagine these as part of my daily life and how it would feel when that’s what I did, what I was.

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I had no idea how it would happen or when it would happen. But 6 months on, I am coaching and mentoring in schools for children in primary schools and I blog daily. And I finally came up with a way in which my friend’s business and I can help each other… another blog is coming your way… but purely for ride25 (if you are in to cycling – this is for you! Check out ride25.com) ..

And I took this picture this morning…

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So go… go and be a dreamer. Imagine your life as you would want it, feel the feelings, get all gooey inside…. Maybe it is a bit scary, a bit thrilling… but I bet it is exciting!

And if you are in a marriage, a partnership, a family… allow your significant other to dream their dreams and imagine their life as they would want it. It is so important to have your own identity and life plan. But connect. And reconnect… Share your dreams, find the commonality, the threads that are intertwined so you can feel together… dream together.

I believe the couples that dream together, stay together…

Know, feel and believe in your true destination… the fun is the adventure along the journey of meandering, wrong turns, successes and overcoming the lows in between. It’s even better if you have someone’s hand to hold while doing it.

The victim, the hero(ine): Snow White and Dobby the house elf…

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

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The house is quiet. I have a hot coffee… and before I walk the dog, I thought I would empty my head. A little slice of my heaven….the quiet side, because I usually love the noise and chaos!

After 7 hours on a hard plastic chair and 11 hours with no food with only sneaky hidden sip of water when Willy wasn’t watching, we arrived home last night at about 7.30pm. My big man was home… a big bowl of pasta waiting for a very hungry and now very happy, jolly Willy. And a comment to me that I should get dinner on..

And here is where I watch a little scene play out in my head. I watch my thoughts… After two years of immersing myself in self development and life coaching with my wonderful coach, Karen, I see the Victim battle with the Heroine.

In my mind they have names, faces… it’s easier to watch then. My Heroine is Snow White… graceful, kind, loving, generous, abundant always smiling and singing a happy tune! Fa La La!!! My victim, my saboteur, is Dobby the house elf – he can’t help it but he is negative, selfish, fearful, skipping and hopping and dancing around nervously…

Dobby shouts back, hopping and waving his little fist.. ‘WHAT?! Are you serious? Me cook? Now? I can barely stand? I had a protein shake at 7am and nothing since, emotionally drained from worry and relief, still full of cold and you want me to cook?!’…

But Snow White is there… calm and floaty… ‘but look at him… he is tired.. he has tired eyes from driving 200 miles this evening and 80 this morning, he has a red nose so clearly has a cold, he has worked so hard this week.. and he has made the pasta… And look! Don’t you remember you took a stew out of the freezer this morning for tonight anyway? All you have to do is tip it in a pan and reheat it?’

Dobby still isn’t quite finished…little fists raised, gallopping around the kitchen… ‘but no one has looked after you this week? Don’t you want some TLC? Weren’t you looking forward to one of his big bear hugs, enveloping you in warmth and certainty? Someone to make you a hot drink and give you a hug and say everything will be ok? Can’t he see you need that? Go on – give him a peace of your mind!’

Thank God for Snow White… ‘If you cook for him, give him your soft tissues, he will hug you…. Look he is suffering just as much as you – can’t you hear him grunting, snorting, groaning? He needs a hug too and looking after… Look after him and he will look after you.’  Fa la la!

….

You are probably reading this and thinking, My God – she needs to join her mother in the Mental Hospital!  Is she seriously visualising Snow White and Dobby prancing around her kitchen?

But having read ‘The Power of Now’, ‘The Chimp Paradox’…I am beginning to understand so much more about the mind… How you can change reactions in to responses…   One of my favourite quotes, I can’t remember who said it as there as so many variations from so many key authors, speakers… ‘Where focus goes, energy flows and results show’. Us British are so good at focus on the negative, playing the underdog… when really we should focus on what we want, the positives we have.

Years ago I used to let Dobby rule my reactions and last night would have ended up in arguments and no supper, tears and frustration.

Just call me Snow White.

The Glass Ceiling and the Brick Wall

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

Allelujah! There are others out there that have never heard of the Sandwich Years! I shared this concept with some wonderful new friends I have made at the new school my son has started and they were as fascinated as I was…

I was with a group of highly talented, educated professional Mums… A lawyer, interior designer from London, fashion designer/marketer and academic all with glowing careers… all married to highly successful men – professor, consultant, director, etc.

So what do I mean by professional Mum’s… they are professionals both in their field and as a Mum. And here is the sandwich again… Can you be the whole sandwich – the professional and the Mum? Where does the wife bit come in? Friend? It is sounding now more like a club sandwich?

Can you be the club sandwich all at once? Can a woman have it all is the cliché question? I heard one clever answer ‘yes – but not all at the same time’.

And here is the dilemma – the discussion point over countless posh coffees and herbal teas. The brave pioneering women in history before us, fought for women to have the same rights to work, be successful, have a voice, a say on how we wish society to be… to stand alongside men in the church, in business as equals.

We are highly educated in physics, maths, languages, business and everything we need to be at the top of the corporate ladder. Told we can do anything, be anything and smash through the ‘glass ceiling’ that has been talked about and theorized in so many of the books I read at university.

We leave having children until later and later in to our 30’s and sometimes 40’s, focused on the top levels of leadership to prove we are the equals of men. We leave our children with nannies and after school clubs…. Glued to a blackberry, android or apple device ensuring we respond within a nanosecond to any crisis, text, email or joke… wafting away a small child desperate for our attention. We socialize and network, for we can’t feel like we can say we have children at home to kiss good night, husbands to nuture and cook for, for fear of missing out, missing out on that connection, that opportunity for a discussion with someone who could mean a promotion, a step up to that dizzy height where we will feel accomplished and prove our teachers/parents proud.

I am guilty of this.

Or I was.

It took a few wake up calls before I made a choice. A decision.

A wonderful friend, mentor and boss with cancer to make me realize that if that happened to me I would regret the time in the office rather than time with my boys. There are other triggers, still too painful to write about…

I am no 50’s housewife… but I made a decision to put my family first. Let my corporate career take a back seat. And so have these wonderful women I sip coffee with. We have all found new ways in which to feel a challenge, have a purpose, give value, fill our time so that we do have an identity (rather than Mrs ‘X’, wife to Mr ‘X’), so that we can still tip our hats at the women who gave us our ‘freedom from the kitchen sink’ rights. At the same time, provide a calm, safe, loving environment for both children and our men. Is this the new sense of accomplishment… ?

In the words of Oprah, ‘what I know for sure’, there is only one life for us all and it can be cut short by physical or mental illness… our children mature, age, grow up quickly… so quickly. We only have a few summers before our boys will no longer want to be seen with us! So the time I have here will be with the ones I love, the ones I cherish… not in a boardroom or a fancy restaurant… but being Mrs Taxi to and from school, swimming, football, rugby… being a wife that’s good, caring, attentive and interested…

But I will be more too, my 1970’s and 80’s programming is still in tact… Along with countless other successful women, I will find new ways to prove that I continue to be man’s equal, find new flexible ways to feel accomplished outside of corporate environments and outside of the home….

Are we a new band of women who will change the shape of society, improve on it once again… Are we the generation that will show the future generations how to have balance between creating harmony between earning a living and living a life? Is there such a thing or will we learn to be at peace living in a beautiful chaos of all the different threads of life?

Another thing I know for sure, is that women of today are lucky. Incredibly lucky to have the choice.  The choice to decide their future, their success, their happiness… to make their own club sandwich with whatever filling they want it in….

But I have never seen a sophisticated, elegant women put a big club sandwich in their mouth all at once..

PS…The brick wall….It seems that once someone goes in to the NHS mental health care scheme, they go behind one. Thinking of you Mumbo… Please know I keep ringing to ask about you…. But no one can give me answers.

My favourite bit

Posted on by Ali Mortimer

James is home.  And with his arrival, it feels like someone turned off the power switch.  It honestly felt like the energy just flowed from my body as I saw him at the train station, I could barely drive the car the last few yards.  Thank goodness he is the driver in this family.

I had a whole topic I wanted to write about today, whizzing around in my head following conversations this morning with some wonderful new friends… maybe it needs to mature a bit?  roll around in my head a bit more… maybe I just don’t have the energy to write out the discussion, debate that is playing out in my head…. maybe I am just exhausted, emotionally, physically, mentally?

Maybe I set myself too tough a challenge… a blog a day?  what was I thinking?  as if I need more to do… But I am a tenacious soul and if I say I will do something, I will… even if the excitement of the initial moment has gone.  The definition of commitment.  But that’s a whole new topic and don’t get me started… It’s far to easy to not be these days…

I always end the day with my boys in bed, asking them what their favourite bit of the day was… Willy always answers ‘this bit’ as he throws his arms around my neck and kisses me.  Tom always says ‘dunno’… followed by ‘which player do you like best out of my football cards’ or ‘Mummy.. did you know…’

My favourite bit today was watching the interaction of the boys with their weekend Dad… as if no days had passed, chatting, laughing..hearing the joy in their voices, singing silly songs and pulling hair.  I loved the family movie time as we all snuggle in a heap on the sofa, tangled legs, bony elbows and knees… I loved hearing a sleepy boy creep down the stairs to give Daddy a note… ‘I love my Dad a lot’.