goodvibrations

The house is quiet. I have a hot coffee… and before I walk the dog, I thought I would empty my head. A little slice of my heaven….the quiet side, because I usually love the noise and chaos!

After 7 hours on a hard plastic chair and 11 hours with no food with only sneaky hidden sip of water when Willy wasn’t watching, we arrived home last night at about 7.30pm. My big man was home… a big bowl of pasta waiting for a very hungry and now very happy, jolly Willy. And a comment to me that I should get dinner on..

And here is where I watch a little scene play out in my head. I watch my thoughts… After two years of immersing myself in self development and life coaching with my wonderful coach, Karen, I see the Victim battle with the Heroine.

In my mind they have names, faces… it’s easier to watch then. My Heroine is Snow White… graceful, kind, loving, generous, abundant always smiling and singing a happy tune! Fa La La!!! My victim, my saboteur, is Dobby the house elf – he can’t help it but he is negative, selfish, fearful, skipping and hopping and dancing around nervously…

Dobby shouts back, hopping and waving his little fist.. ‘WHAT?! Are you serious? Me cook? Now? I can barely stand? I had a protein shake at 7am and nothing since, emotionally drained from worry and relief, still full of cold and you want me to cook?!’…

But Snow White is there… calm and floaty… ‘but look at him… he is tired.. he has tired eyes from driving 200 miles this evening and 80 this morning, he has a red nose so clearly has a cold, he has worked so hard this week.. and he has made the pasta… And look! Don’t you remember you took a stew out of the freezer this morning for tonight anyway? All you have to do is tip it in a pan and reheat it?’

Dobby still isn’t quite finished…little fists raised, gallopping around the kitchen… ‘but no one has looked after you this week? Don’t you want some TLC? Weren’t you looking forward to one of his big bear hugs, enveloping you in warmth and certainty? Someone to make you a hot drink and give you a hug and say everything will be ok? Can’t he see you need that? Go on – give him a peace of your mind!’

Thank God for Snow White… ‘If you cook for him, give him your soft tissues, he will hug you…. Look he is suffering just as much as you – can’t you hear him grunting, snorting, groaning? He needs a hug too and looking after… Look after him and he will look after you.’ Fa la la!

….

You are probably reading this and thinking, My God – she needs to join her mother in the Mental Hospital! Is she seriously visualising Snow White and Dobby prancing around her kitchen?

But having read ‘The Power of Now’, ‘The Chimp Paradox’…I am beginning to understand so much more about the mind… How you can change reactions in to responses… One of my favourite quotes, I can’t remember who said it as there as so many variations from so many key authors, speakers… ‘Where focus goes, energy flows and results show’. Us British are so good at focus on the negative, playing the underdog… when really we should focus on what we want, the positives we have.

Years ago I used to let Dobby rule my reactions and last night would have ended up in arguments and no supper, tears and frustration.

Just call me Snow White.

If I was writing this blog 3 years ago, I would be writing very differently…

My background in building, designing, testing, supporting IT systems lent me to be critical, cynical in nature, looking for the worst that could happen… so that I could ensure it wouldn’t happen! This spilled out into my personal life… a complete worrier, stress monkey, negative Norma… I must have been a real barrel of laughs in the pub!

A far cry from the little girl who was always smiling, laughing and given prizes for the biggest smile, the happiest, the most positive person in the room.

What happened along the way? I had a great job, a gorgeous boyfriend who became an amazing husband and father; a wonderful circle of friends.. make that circles – the iron ring, the uni girls, the Yorkshire circles; sister and sister in law as best friends, healthy family, loved my in-laws (how lucky am I?)…

But I felt in a constant state of lack… I (we?) were always striving for something more, always wanting more, a bigger house, a faster car, another baby, more diamonds, better sofas, more money, a promotions, a more exotic holiday…

So what’s changed?

Instead of seeing the sadness in today, the misery, the lack of my mum, the boys’ Grannie Brooks, attracting the attention of pity, I was able to see this weekend as one of joy….

A day to remember with pride and gratitude for the money we raised (over £2,400 plus more coming in), for the awareness we raised to 100’s of the terrible disease that is Alzheimer’s.

A day to remember as memories of my 3 strapping men playing rugby around the 7km walk in Oxfords parks, my big man teaching our little men to spin throw and tackle safely…

A day to remember as I watch my 79 year old dad have his first experience of Zumba and stride strongly round the course to be presented with his medal.

A day to remember as I hold my sister’s teeny hand as we walk and talk….

A day to remember as we all sit around the table and laugh as we can’t keep up with Willy’s ‘I spy’ games and how easily I lose the ‘Yes / No’ game…

I don’t remember when the shift from negative to positive happened… not exactly anyway… But I know how. It dawned on me as I got in the car to drive north, the boys slept and I put on one of my favourite audiobooks – The Power By Rhonda Byrne…

The Power of Positive Thoughts.

The Power of Positive Feelings.

The Power of Good Vibrations.

The Power of Love.

Today was about Love – a love for my Mum and for so many others on the walk today and the love that they have for someone who has suffered a disease you wouldn’t wish on anyone. A day to make happy, joyful memories… no one needs more sad ones.