With the Big Man out with work, it is cold (I am still freaking out at having nearly blown up the house by touching the plumbing system… ), so I am just making myself a turmeric latte to keep me warm and also stop me reaching for the chocolate tin; something sweet and comforting as he isn’t here to do that for me.
I am also sat wondering at the completed circle of life in front me. And at the previous sentence.
We are all so quick to congratulate friends and colleagues on achievements, the work they have done, the accolades they win, promotions they deserve, exciting life events. But do we congratulate ourselves enough? I am not sure we take the time to do so.
This morning, as I was driving to the gym, I found myself on the verge of sobbing. Quite out of the blue. It dawned on me that these dates, these days not only last year, but the year before were in their different ways, sad, traumatic and incredibly emotional. I was grieving. I was at the bottom of an ocean watching my breath bubbles.
Had I done my circle of life in those times, the dots would have been far different to the one I have drawn today. Just 12 months ago, they would have been pretty close to the centre of the colourful pie. There was no joy. My relationship was in shattered pieces, turning to dust. My shame and embarrassment prevented any form of social life. My health was at an all time low, suffering from a lack of food, exercise a necessary form of meditation but lacked energy and motivation, with my business closed, my income and career were rock bottom. The only things that were perhaps a little off centre were creativity with my writing, education from research in how to make myself heal and be happy and spirituality, my lifeline to myself and a faith in ‘something bigger’, something that had my back.
And yet today, here I am, telling a completely different story. All my dots towards the perimeter of the circle of life, or if not, on a trajectory leading to the edge.
Maybe my tears, my sob was recognition. Maybe it was relief. Maybe it was a little exhaustion.
But right now, my feelings are none of those. Like the warm, sweet, honeyed turmeric milk warming my tummy, my feelings of pride and peace warm my heart and soul. It has been a tough ride and hard work. But my resilience and determination has paid off.
And I congratulate myself.