This evening, I am still riding on the crest of the wave of yesterday… only adding to the momentum and excitement with good music, a good workout, a really interesting conversation, some good business planning and some storm cooking up in the kitchen.
I can literally feel the grief from loss of the last 2 years slipping away. The cloak of sadness being lifted from my shoulders.
It has been a long time coming. The start of the new year, was a huge turning point for me. I could no longer stand being sad, worried, fearful, distrustful, negative and seeing and feeling the worst. I could no longer bear being around myself. I was sick and tired of me.
Being sick and tired can sometimes be a good thing. For it drives change.
I set out my intentions clearly this January and have spent more time dreaming about and focussing on the future and how wonderful it is going to be, rather than dwelling on the past and what has been lost. As I realised that, I stumbled across a quote from Brene Brown which spoke to the same idea.
“People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are.”
I would be naïve to think that there won’t be dark moments, dark days, but the moments are more about trivial mishaps (like forgetting the granola in the aga). The dark days so few and far between now that I can usually dig myself out with the strength that I have found that I am capable of.
My best friend sent me a quote today.
“It’s okay to fall down and lose your spark. Just make sure that when you get back up , you rise as the whole damn fire.” Colette Werden
The overwhelming emotions that used to quash my enthusiasm for anything in life due to their pain, that dampened my spark, are becoming less too. And I find any overwhelming emotions are now related to excitement borne from new ideas and frustration that I don’t have the time or bandwidth to do them all immediately.
My BFF is right, I am rising as the whole damn fire… but as I found out today, trying to do too much all at once only ends up with burnt granola.
And that just leaves a bitter taste!