When something or some things are bothering me, I bake.  And while I was baking our favourite banana and cinnamon loaf, I heard these words and I cried.

“Gratitude is a celebration of love…. And life….  We don’t die from death, but from fully ripened love.”

 

I cried.  I think at their beauty…. But also because it helped loosen a knot, or the knots of my current worry.

As I write, the mixer is buzzing to the tempo of my tears.  Slowly, methodically and rhythmically.

I am watching Oprah interview the Benedictine Monk, David Steidl on his book ‘Gratefulness’.

“Trust life!”  He advises.

And so, I will respond to the events of today with trust.

I trust that my mind was just playing little tricks by giving me a bad dream, not as a horrible reminder of that awful day but that I survived it.  And by trusting life, trusting the journey, living through the crisis, understanding the meaning and trusting in our vision, I am living a better life and a better version of me.

I trust that my little man will be ok; I trust that the unsettling incident at school that ended with the Deputy Head ringing to apologise is a learning lesson for all involved.  I trust my intuition as a mother and will ask the right questions and do the right things by him.  And I trust him.

I trust my friend as she refers to me to a colleague to review my inconclusive results… and perform a biopsy with bigger needles and anaesthetic.  I trust that life will continue to throw curve balls at me, big and small, so that I can continue to live in a state of gratitude and gratefulness and let love ripen me, rather than fear shrivel me.

In the meantime, I fear I am over-beating my cake and a cake full of tears never tastes as good as one made with love..  so I am drying my eyes and trusting life.  And life with cake in it, is always good.