I am not sure what made today the day, but it was. Perhaps it was because the sun was shining so beautifully. Perhaps it was because my heart was full of peace and happiness. Perhaps it was because I really feel like I have come home, I am home.
Today was the day to say my final and private goodbye to Mumbo as I scattered the last of her ashes that had been stored in an old Maille Dijon Mustard jar (one of her favourite ingredients to use) and that I have carried around with me since my Dad gave it to me over a year ago.
I pulled on her old red, itchy wool, original Swiss Snowsport jumper that was given to her years ago and that I saved from the black bin liners… and I sprinkled her over my new roses, my additions to the rose garden; easy does it, smiles, abundance and prosperity. I asked her to tend to them as she did her gardens and keep them beautiful so that each time I look at them, I will know she is there. Close by.
And I no longer feel sad when I think of her, her death and the fact that she is no longer here. And I no longer feel guilty for feeling that. In some way, I can feel her, or sense her. And perhaps that is because I see her in me. When I look in the mirror with my blond hair; when I garden and talk to the roses; when I love my children demonstratively, loudly and unashamedly… she lives on in me, her good bits mixed with my good traits and I am sure some of the less desirable ones too! Her legacy…. Me and now my roses.