Today, it felt as though I have come full circle.
Incredible to think that just a year ago I wrote that ‘I am joy’! The day I discussed the characters from the film with the boys and how they recognised the ‘Joy’ in me.
Incredible to think that wind forward a few days, that joy was to be sucked out of me and that ‘Joy’ would have to take a backseat while Sadness, Anger, Fear and Disgust, in turn, played the leading role in my character.
Looking back at the journey of the past year, I believe they each needed to take a seat at the steering wheel. They each needed to work through their strong related emotions before they moved on to allow the next driver forward. Some of them even needed multiple turns.
But finally, Joy is back at the helm. I felt her. It was her turn again.
She has been patient. She knew the only way to come back was to do just that. To wait. To let the other emotions vent and let it all out and let it all go, before they were quiet enough for her to be heard.
She has been busy. She was busy writing, then focussing on her list. Her list that answered her mantra, her mission, her motto, ‘Do what brings you joy, so you can bring joy to others.’ As she repeated it, whispered it over and over, the messages did get through; little by little, small acts that brought joy became daily habits.
Those daily habits and moments of joy became something to be grateful for each day. And those acts of joy and thoughts of gratitude turned to glimmers of hope that one day there would be days like today.
Days like today when there are so many moments of deep joy that punch you right in the stomach, that are so intense, so beautiful that they make your eyes smart. The moment of sheer pride as your son takes his beautiful stride and strong hands from the mid line to dive to score the perfect try in the first few moments; the moment of heaven ward thanks and gratitude for a happy little son, confident after being so timid for so long; the moment of deep contentment and love as we all curl around each other on the sofa this evening; the moment when you feel relief at having found good friends in a new place and are really delighted to see, and old friends you love welcoming in to a new life; the moment of strength as you scroll past all those evil messages and pictures in the mind and say ‘whatever! You are not going to take my joy today.’
Days like today, a day that is going to end with the same line as I ended my blog a year ago.
“I feel so much better being in my natural state of yellow! I am joy! I had such a fun day!”