Journalling is time for reflection.  To play back the day and have gratitude for the moments that went well, brought you a lighter step, a smile to your lips and also to review those that didn’t sit so well, and to give yourself the time to replay the show reel in your mind in a more positive way.  I have also found it a way to empty my mind of the negative thoughts, pen to paper, letter taps to image on a page, to see them and release them.

 

I read beautiful words today, written by a friend followed by the words of Marla Gibbs.  And today I reflect on those.

 

“Life:  you can’t open up to a new chapter until you fully close the one behind you.  It takes time, one step at a time.” Kelly B.

 

“I truly believe that everything that we do and everyone that we meet is put in our path for a purpose.  There are no accidents; we’re all teachers – if we’re willing to pay attention to the lessons we learn, trust our positive instincts and not be afraid to take risks or wait for some miracle to come knocking on our door.”  Marla Gibbs.

 

You can’t open up to a new chapter until you fully close the one behind you.  There are moments I feel like I am well in to the second page of my new chapter:  as the boys and I embrace our new surroundings, our summer gardens, our local amenities, have fun sweeping out the old coach house to make a summer holiday den for the boys and laugh on the grass under the blazing July sun or simply eating cherries from a pretty bowl on the sunny terrace.

 

These are all the little steps, one moment at a time.  Inching my way, further from the old chapters of ignorance, the previous days of disbelief lying lacking in energy, floored by life .. and in to the future ones, making my decisions, choosing happiness and to be me.

 

If we are willing to pay attention to the lessons we learn.  I have learnt many lessons.  Some I didn’t want to learn or didn’t know I needed to learn.  The hardest one to learn right now, as I sip on my rose alone watching the Wimbledon highlights, is to trust my positive instincts, when my negative ones are sounding like sirens, for probably no reason at all.  In the last chapter, I learnt the lesson to not trust.  I also learnt vulnerability and to share my feelings.  And I have learnt to forgive myself for the negative instincts and thoughts.

 

It may be a small risk, but I am willing to believe the innocent phone call.  And I will wait for the miracle to come knocking on my door, as no doubt he has forgotten the keys to our home, in this new chapter.