With my inner compassion on the way to being restored, I feel that I am now brave enough to return to love. Inspired by Marrianne Williamson and Gabrielle Bernstein and countless others who believe the same, I repeat as a daily mantra as I clean my teeth, dry my hair or at any point in the day I feel a little nervous,
‘I believe in miracles. I choose love over fear.”
Even though I have been affirming it religiously, it hasn’t really been possible as I blocked off my emotions, focussed on my pain and suffering. And surrounded by uncertainty, so much unknown, endless possibilities and scenarios for the future, I am fearful to the point of inertia.
In particular, I am still afraid of taking a bit of the peach, of letting myself fully love.
As it tends to do so, these days, as if by magic the right book appears. And as I was clearing out a few things by my bed, the book ‘May Cause Miracles’ revealed itself to me. I had picked this book up very early on in my recovery from the bombshell that blew apart my marriage. The book mark is still there, at the start of week 3. Maybe I wasn’t ready for the full 6 week course. Or maybe I just needed the first 2 to guide me at that particular time?
But it feels fitting, that now the time is right. I am asking for a miracle. To see and feel the shift in perception from fear to love.
In 6 weeks we will be in our new home, whether it be the dream house or a temporary one.
The time is now. I am done living in fear. I want a different life experience from now on. That is non-negotiable.
As I sit and listen to the rhythmic bashing of Tom preparing his new cricket bat for his game on Tuesday, I realise that this book revealed itself to me as the preparation I need and preparation is key for any game, any event of life.
In the opening chapter it states that this isn’t about a romantic love, this love refers to an inner energy, an inner power and magnetism that has always been there. I have 6 weeks to break down the walls and barriers that fear has built up around it; the fear of losing loved ones, the fear of broken hearts, broken bones, broken trust, lost loyalty; the fear of being left, unloved and alone; the fear of getting it wrong, the fear of getting it right, the fear of being left with nothing, the fear of getting fat or getting too thin, the fear of getting ill, dying and leaving those I love…. The fear. My fear of so much.
6 weeks. Daily exercises for 6 weeks to get me where I want to be by building my mental muscles, my mental blue print.
I want to lose the fear of biting the peach, I want to love and dive in to the peach, enjoy every bite, every drop and not be afraid to do so.
As I said, ‘I believe in miracles.’