Marilyn Monroe wrote the words, “Let go physically so you can pick up emotionally” as she learnt to act.
I am learning to ‘let go physically’ as I have no other option.
When I originally hurt my back 3 or 4 weeks ago, and I was unable to use physical activity or exercise to distract myself from my emotional pain, I slipped back down my mountain, fell down a hole. I was forced to pick up my emotions and look at them, deal with them in the darkness and spit fire at anyone who dared challenge them.
But this time, letting go physically, I find myself picking up emotionally and I find a calmness I haven’t felt in a very long time. Perhaps it is the calm in the eye of a storm, as the past taunts me less and the future is just that far enough away …
As I lie with my legs on cushions to relieve the pressure, I am no longer swept away by a torrent of emotions, an anger that would make me run, a hatred that would make me sprint to breathlessness, a frustration that would make me scream to the open fields and startled birds. Instead I find a stillness, a calm in my heart as I listen to the sound of my gentle heart beating to the sounds of my slow breathing.
Maybe it is the time passing.
Maybe it is the healing power of Cornwall.
Maybe it is living in an untainted, untarnished dwelling, home, house.
Maybe it is distance.
Maybe it is just the eye of the storm and this is the rest I need to face the other side.
Maybe Marilyn was right and everything happens for a reason, including debilitating back pain.
‘I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so you appreciate them when they are right, you believe lies so that you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.’