It’s time to dig out the champagne from under the kale. This time I feel like actually popping that cork, rather than hypothetically. It has been a long time coming.
Today as I ran under the glorious blue spring sky, I jumped for joy and laughed out loud simulstaneously as I had tears rolling down my cheeks and on occasion had to bend over in heartache, with gut wrench pain. Fortunately, I saw no one.
The rush of emotions intense; quick jabs of anger, hate, frustration of the past washed over and obliterated with utter excitement, joy, hope, love and gratitude for the future.
Faith and miracles have worked their magic.
That deeper belief that it would all fall in to place and we would be ok, that we would end up in our dream home meant that we didn’t have to be patient for that long.
And miracles. 5 months ago, I would have never thought this possible. All the work I did in those early days with Marianne and Gabrielle have helped me change my perspective and see life, this, us, events, everything from a different perspective, causing a miracle.
I now have the strength to refer back to the passage I wrote back in July about my life story; how I was going to wake up in a light, airy, white room with a smile on my face, in love and feeling loved.
I wasn’t feeling it at the time, and I so desperately wanted it and now it is happening.
Part of me, the small angry person in side of me, wants to shout out about revenge; but she is being eclipsed by my inner ‘Joy’, who reminds me that the best way of getting revenge is by being happy anyway, even if someone had hoped to break you, devastate you, annihilate you by the force of her pain and anger and jealously. And Joy is coaxing me towards gratitude, for could I honestly say, hand on heart that we would be here if we hadn’t been forced to dig up the foundations of marriage?
And so, Joy is launching me up on to that next step up the mountain. Leaping to the point I thought was so out of reach, so far away that I thought it impossible. She reminds me nothing is ‘impossible’, nothing is out of reach, everything is possible and the recipe is faith, love and miracles, with a good ‘leg up’ of determination to get to where you want to be.
Rikki Rogers says that ‘Strength doesn’t come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn’t.’
This journey, this last 5 months, on top of the previous year, the climb has made me believe in myself, my stamina, my strength and my endurance. And as our therapist commented and we recognise and now celebrate, has highlighted a joint strength and forceful bond between a couple that has been tested to its limits, but still held firm.