Yesterday I was clinging on with my fingernails so as not to fall back down that black hole. The reins of despair pulling and causing white hot pain either side of my spine as I resisted and fought to stay above ground.
Today, I let go. I stopped fighting the pain and pull. I unbuckled the harness and let the relief wash over me and I lay above the hole, slept and dreamt in the sunshine. The pain still there, but the resistance gone, the struggle over.
In a couple of weeks, there will be no time for pain, no time to rest, no time to sleep. The big move, the next chapter, our new life beginning and it will be full. Full of everything; fun and laughter, love and joy, adventure and novelty, building a new home and building a better life, writing and researching. Full.
So while I have time, I let go of the guilt of having to remain supine, to sleep, to rest and decided to allow myself to recover and to prepare myself for the next 6 months. Perhaps my back injury a reminder that I need to be careful, that I need to ask for help when it is necessary.
“When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control they way you respond to what’s happening. That’s where the power is!”
So tonight, I have drugged myself up and am going out for some medicine; laughter. An evening with my trusted girlfriends and can tell them how apparently my son is a porn king! LOL! (that’s laughing out loud, not lots of love.) Amazing how the smallest of things can be blown out of proportion, exaggerated until the true facts are discovered.