Moments

I can’t quite work out which bit is the worst bit.. The moment you get the call or when you pick up the phone and it isn’t who you are expecting on the other end…

The moment you hear the words – ‘Mrs Mortimer, it’s your son, he is badly hurt and needs to go to hospital straight away.’

The moment you arrive at hospital but no one can find him… you can’t get anyone on the phone to find out where he is…

The moment you see a pale face through the car window…

The moment you see how bad the injury is, a body part looking completely the wrong shape..

The moment you see the truth, the evidence and proof of the damage on the x-ray machine..

The moment he whispers he is scared and his little face crumples…

The moment he reaches for your hand and calls your name as they wheel him for surgery…

The moment his eyes are one minute clear and looking in to yours, the panic in them as he can’t breathe or the next as they roll into his head as the anaesthetic takes hold…

The moment you are asked to leave the room…to leave him in the hands of others..

The many, many moments in a clinical, plasticy, cold room where you wait.. and wait for the moments to pass, seconds like minutes and minutes like hours…
Each moment a little pieces of your heart swell and shatter, wishing if only it was you, not them that was hurt.
In those long moments of waiting, i read my book and 2 lines gave me comfort:
‘In the midst of the darkness, grab a flashlight. The light is available to you at all times, all you have to do is turn it on by tuning in.’
So I tuned in to find the ‘lights’ of the situation ..
We live in a first world country, with the amazing NHS and brilliant care.
The orthopaedic surgeon at is a friend, I rang ahead, he was waiting with his team to provide the best care for my little boy possible. 
Bones may break but bones mend, especially with little people. 
Laughter as Tom Tom answers questions, “when was the last time you ate and drank and what was it?” 

“I had a mug of Yorkshire tea with one sugar at 7.30 this morning and I had a mento, 3 skittles and a fruit pastille at break.”
Laughter as Tom Tom Asks his questions. “Will you wake me up? And what is your favourite film?”
Lying with my biggest boy, watching movies and eating grapes and knowing that that is what we will be doing together for the next few days as he mends, he will be helping me mend and heal too. 
All the words and comments of support from friends and family.. knowing he, we are in the prayers and thoughts of many.
And the other line…
Trust that the Universe never gives you what you cannot handle.
Come on Universe… I am strong! And each time you throw more to pain me, it just makes me stronger! 

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