And so for the second time in a month, unforeseen events outside my control have left me feeling pretty stunned.
So many kind people have been trying to tempt me out from my ocean sanctuary, but in the end it was my gorgeous, adventurous, crazy son who inflated my emergency ascent buoy that brought me rocketing to the surface. My adrenalin spiking, keeping my sleep deprived body and mind alert and active.
For 24 hours it was if nothing had ever happened, the last month blocked from my mind. My focus purely on him, his wellbeing, his protection and his recovery. It was all about him. My hurt and my invisible pain superseded by his obvious, very real breaks and discomfort.
And now we are home, his morphine worn off, my focus can be on distracting him from his pain with his favourite movies, milk and cookies, melon and strawberries.
But I am wary to not distract him too much; for I am learning that feeling the pain is part of the healing process. Fearing the pain is almost worse than feeling the pain. Avoidance of feeling means you don’t learn the lesson from the actions and resultant consequences.
And boy, does he need to learn this lesson. The death drop and the double bang resulting in a concussion clearly not lesson enough! So a double break and a banana arm it is…
This is a very real, tangible, palpable lesson for him and a lesson to me and to the Big Man and to anyone running from the fear of pain. Distractions only provide only a temporary, momentary relief. To feel the pain is the moment you start to heal.
So while I know my little man is safe, healing surrounded by treats and love and affection, I can slowly drift back down into the depths of my watery haven where I can lean in and return to facing my fear of the pain, anger, resentment and bitterness and know that it is all part of the healing process.