Today has brought clarity.
Amazing what a good night sleep, an uplifting 30 minutes of meditation flooding my mind with positive, happy thoughts and feelings to drown out the harmful, painful memories and images of yesterday, a real belly laugh and a heartfelt compassionate discussion with a friend can do.
As I drove to pick up the boys, Bon Jovi’s ‘Always’ came on my playlist. And there came the clarity (despite the cheesiness!).
‘And I will love you, baby, always
And I’ll be there forever and a day, always
I’ll be there, til the stars don’t shine
‘Til the heavens burst and the words don’t rhyme
I know when I die you’ll be on my mind
And I’ll love you, always.
Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh
Some that made us cry
One that made you have to say goodbye.’
I am still the little girl inside and I want the fairytale.
I want someone to say those words and say it with the passion that Bon Jovi sings it and mean it.
I want someone who loves me for me, my bad and wobbly bits just as much as my good and beautiful bits; someone who makes me feel like I am enough, just the way I am, but who makes me feel ‘whole’ when I am with him.
I want someone who will put me and my boys first, before themselves, always, unconditionally.
I want someone who is generous, kind and abundant in all things.
I want romance and true love, laughter, adventure and fun!
I want honesty, trust and peace in my heart knowing I have found the one person I want to spend the rest of my life with, grow old and wrinkly but still hold hands and fall asleep in each others arms.
And I want to celebrate when I find it, I want to dance in the starlight with the grass under my feet with the one person that I want to put first in my life, be generous, kind and loving towards… with no strings attached.
Everyone deserves no less than that. One life, to make it count.
As Esther Perel suggests, my first marriage is over. The rings that remind me of too much pain being handed back.
I want a second chance at the fairy tale.
I am on Day 13 of ‘May cause Miracles’ and today my affirmation has been ‘Today, I commit to miraculous shifts. Forgiveness will be my guide.’
I believe in miracles and I choose to believe in fairytales.