.. just a boy…

Not sure what the Universe was trying to tell me today. Or what I had been asking the universe for, as I ended up in A & E for most of the day…

 

I was quite happily enjoying my morning; an early walk with a friend; a coffee to put the world to rights with the Big Man before he jetted off to Ireland; an hour work blitz, with my phone on silent and turned upside down so as not to be distracted …

 

For some reason decided to flip over my phone to see the time. No idea why I didn’t check my watch or the computer clock…

 

And there is always that sinking feeling, a little bit ‘sicky’ when the school number flashes up at a random time. Like 11.42. Stomach lurching as one of the boys is hurt… Or been naughty…

 

And this time it is the former – school nurse. ‘I have Tom with me’..

 

By this point I am already on my feet, collecting my bag, wallet, keys..

 

It transpires he has been doing the ‘Death Drop’ off parallel bars… (I mean – WTF was he thinking?!!!) And slipped, banging his head on the way down and then landing on to his head 5 ft below. After the initial shock and calming down by the nurse, he had been let back to class, only to be found wandering the corridors confused, dazed and no recollection of why.

 

The school thought it would be a good idea for me to get him checked. (?!)

 

I am already in the car by this point, shaking. Possibly with nerves, adrenalin… I hate my boys being hurt. And Tom particularly worries me because of his high pain threshold, his ‘bionic bones’.

 

The sickness and heartache only worsens when the nurse opens the door to the quiet patient room… And there is my Tom, ashen grey lying on a little bed, red eyes.  Always my baby, despite his blazer and tie.

 

You never know when the last time your little boy, almost man, will reach out for you.. And when they happen, you take them. As he reached up and out for me, I took his embrace and his snuggle into my neck. He couldn’t remember what happened and his head hurt. His pain, my pain.

 

4 hours later or more in A & E with Tom under observation while waiting to see the doctor, I am grateful for the the bag of crisps and 2 apples I threw in my bag as I left (must remember for future phone calls – maybe I should have emergency snack bag by the door?), 2 Twix from the vending machine later and finally some pink is back in his cheeks and he is playing ‘drive’ on the iPad.

 

He clearly isn’t critical. He clearly has a thick skull….

 

Maybe the Universe was just giving me some quality time with my big boy.  Or reminding me to be grateful… Or reminding Tom he isn’t super human and that ‘Death Drops’ are not a good idea…

 

Or maybe that he is just a boy… and the Universe is preparing me for more to come, because as much as I want to wrap him up in cotton wool, protect him, keep him whole, I know he is so full of life and exuberance, that trying to safeguard him, would be preventing him from living.

 

In any case.. I am drinking wine and eating chocolate with relief.  No broken bones, no broken neck… Just a snuggly little boy next to me.

 

 

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