A friend asked me today – If you had a magic wand with one wish to do anything or be anything – what would you wish for?
Without hesitation my response was that I would wish my Mumbo to be alive, sat with me in my garden, Alzheimer’s free, watching my sons, enjoying the warmth of the sun, feeling her pride and love for them and me. Being able to share my secrets, my hopes and my dreams with her and know that she believed in me, no matter what.
It rather took me by surprise.
I don’t know why it did or why it should have done. There’s no shame in missing my mum. There’s no shame in still feeling cheated that she has missed out on my favourite years – these ones, with my little boys watching them grow, these ones as I find true self, watching myself grow. There’s no shame in feeling angry that she wasn’t here when I needed her most, these past years, through some of the toughest, darkest and most challenging days.
As we reflected on my answer, I shared my surprise with my friend. With all my big plans and dreams, I would have thought my wish would have been to be a best selling author now or to be at the top of my profession in network marketing now, and therefore feeling immense pride, satisfaction and fulfilled at the same time as feeling grateful, humbled from all the lives I have touched through my written word or actions to build a business.
But then maybe instinct played a part here. Maybe my gut played a part here. Maybe my belief in myself played a part here.
And maybe that is why I wished for something I know that cannot come true? Rather than wishing for something I know that I can make come true through intention, hard work, passion and belief.
We also ascertained in the same conversation, that I actually see ‘hard work’ as a good thing, a challenge and exciting.. rather than doing something I don’t like!
So yes – if I had a magic wand… I wish I could bring my Mum back to sit next to me on my bench and hold my hand, let her stroke my head and let me pour out my heart without holding back.