Rushing and gobbling

Willy has just grabbed his full bowl of chocolates from the egg hunt yesterday and eaten all bar 4!  Rushing through gobbling them all so I couldn’t stop him…..  He is now grabbing his tummy and saying he feels sick… he feels ill!

 

I did try to warn him!  But he didn’t listen.

 

There are parallels in everything.

 

I mentioned to my counsellor today that I felt angry still, on edge, still frustrated… annoyed..  I want to get on.  Find my spark.  Get my sparkle on… laugh like I mean it, rather than fake it.

 

Her reply was simple.

 

‘Grief is an inconvenience, isn’t it?’.

 

Yes.

 

As much as I cling on to and focus on my life lines – my boys, my family, all my gratitudes, my running, my pilates and meditation… it still feels like someone has pulled the plug and the force of gravity is pulling me down.

 

So what do you do?

 

Let go of the lifelines and just let go?  And pick yourself up at the bottom?

 

Or hang on to those life lines, keep pulling yourself up against the tidal waves… and wait until all the water has drained away?

 

I ask myself… What’s the quickest way through grief?

 

And then I see Willy rushing through eating all his chocolate… and feeling ill.

 

I can rush through this period and do what some people keep telling me:   to move on, your Mum is in a better place.

But it is making me feel ill.  Exhausted with the mental battle.

 

I lost my mum.  I am still haunted by images and sounds of the last week of her life. She may have had Alzheimer’s, but she is still gone too soon.

A bit like gobbled chocolates… gone too soon. Leaving you wanting more.

 

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