There is a particular spot on my run, just at the brow of a hill, where thoughts come to me. Where really strong moments of clarity hit me and I know what is going to happen. A line or a phrase will pop in to my head about something and my body is flooded with emotion because of the certainty for what is about to happen.
It doesn’t happen on every run. And I never know which runs it will happen on. It happens with lots of things… some little and some of bigger impact.
The 2 that most stick in my mind are the most recent.
The first time, was just after I saw my Mum in the home for the first time, when I spoon fed her puree and she told me ‘I love you’… As I was running up to the point, I was thinking of her and all her wonderfulness… and at the brow of the hill the sentence ticker taped across my mind ‘You took your last breath today. Rest in Peace lovely Mumbo.’ I remember the sob as I reached the top of the hill and the tears as I carried on running through the heartache as I knew it wouldn’t be long that this would be coming true.
When I got home, I got the call from my sister and I rang my Dad and made arrangements to go and sit with Mum for her last week.
A few weeks later, as I ran the incline to the point, I was thinking about the Big Man, how unhappy he was living away in London and how miserable we all were without him. And as I reached the same spot, the words flowed through my mind ‘It is the 1st of March and I am so happy now that James is loving his new job in Yorkshire’.
It only took a couple of days and James was asked how he would feel signing off his communications with ‘with love and respect’… his final interview question before being offered a fantastic role with a fun, local, growing business. From the evening of the 29th February, he was officially living and working in Yorkshire.
So as I am just about to set off on my quick run around the block, I am mindful of what I will be thinking about… particularly as I run up the hill to my magical summit. Clearly thoughts + emotions + a bit of magic make the thoughts happen, the emotions realise, and the imagined experience come true.
The old sayings – ‘be careful what you wish for’ or ‘what you think about, you bring about’ are clearly true in my case as I cross the supernatural summit.
And while it was a relief and a good outcome for my Mum to be at peace, I can’t help thinking and feeling it was all a bit sudden. And on the month anniversary of her death, I still feel raw and sad and highly emotional.
And while it is a very, very good thing the Big Man is back at home, there are pockets of tension from having lived apart for a significant time, especially as we transition in to a new ‘normal’.
So my runners are on. The sun is brilliant.
… Now what shall I think about? What shall I wish for?
Will a magic wand be waived over me today?
We’ll have to wait and see.