“Joy doubles your powers.”

The words spoken in prayer by the headmaster in the final chapel service of the year.  As I come out of this latest cloud of darkness, I know they are some of the truest words ever spoken.  I feel my ‘super powers’ accelerate when I am happy, when I am doing the things that bring me joy.

And I see it in my sons.  They are in a school where they are thriving and excelling, because they are happy. And while they are ready for a well-deserved break and rest, they are already asking to practice their spellings, spend time reading or drawing.  Activities, previously unheard of! Their independence amuses me, amusing themselves, quietly alone or noisily together.  But I am secretly delighted, that they are often very nearby; sprawled on the island top or huddled next to the aga where I tend to spend most of my days.

The words remind me that the clouds are lifting;  that as the hustle of grief emotions lessens, as anger loses its hold, frustration weakens and hate pales in favour of love, joy and excitement, I am a few steps closer to forgiveness once more.