The explorers

Michael Buble is crooning about Christmas as I sit with my feet up.  I am wearing my new festive jumper, Willy has decorated the most fabulous Christmas tree, Tom and the Big Man are under a blanket watching movies and all of us are full of roast beef, yorkies, roasties and sprouts….

“All is calm; all is bright.”

Michael sooths and reminds me that we are a million miles away from the disruption of last year, the chaos and disastrously dull atmosphere.

I am confident we are the ‘explorers’ that Esther Perel talks of in the last chapters of her book.  She says there are 3 types of couples to decide to face the new shame of society and work it out, stick together after infidelity.  The sufferers who can never let it lie, can never let it go and suffer more than perhaps they were before – perhaps they have no choice? The builders, those who are committed no matter what and strap up their boots and get on with it and move on and rebuild what was broken.

And then there are the explorers.  Those who live with the excruciating pain of what happened, holding each other through it, sowing seeds of positivity and use the experience to totally redesign their lives and create something new.  There is acceptance and rebirth.  They repair each other and in doing so re-pair together with a love that is stronger and more passionate than thought possible.

If this is how we feel and how we are living, it is so disappointing and hurtful when others, sometimes very close, can’t see that.  Do they think stoking his guilt, my pain, our shame helpful? Or is it a cry for help for themselves?

If the latter, I sincerely hope, they have the strength to face their own demons and work it out, realising life is too short to be unhappy.

If the former, then this family of explorers don’t need that.  And we will keep on exploring and creating a new life elsewhere, content, calm, very happy and forgiveness for ourselves… and them.  We just don’t have time for that shit.  We have too much to live for going forward, rather than to be dragged backwards, downwards or anyway wards.

And this Christmas will be the best Christmas for all of us, because it will be all about the real things, love, family, togetherness;  all the things we didn’t have last year.  And the only things we need going forward.

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