All I could think, as I looked directly upwards in to the harsh artificial lighting square in the ceiling, was ‘how brutal’ and yet ‘how kind’…
I trained my attention to focus on the kind, as the nurse squeezed my hand and the surgeon repeatedly apologised as he wielded the ridiculously sized needle I had glimpsed before turning away, just a moment prior to saying ‘bang coming now’. I trained my attention on that light, my breath and the positive and soothing words of the experienced professionals.
While I was walking this morning, on a podcast Ali McGraw said that she looked for ‘kernels’ in every situation. I like that. The kernel being the bit of the grain that holds all the goodness, the concentrated benefits.
So even though the procedure reminded me of how I skewer meat on to a kebab, the kernel of this experience is that I know in my heart this is just to prove that there is nothing sinister there; that I got to spend an unexpectedly longer time hanging out on a sofa in the waiting room with the Big Man; and a reminder that I am so grateful for my health and all the incredibly professional medical staff of the NHS keeping me that way as well as reminding me that kindness always trumps brutality!