As with any demons, I am learning that they will always enter, but I don’t have to let them stay. An acknowledgement and then I can take back control of my mind.
Sometimes easier said than done. Like the middle of the night conversation I had in my head, between me and her as I stroked the poorly belly of a 7, nearly 8 year old. That took me 2 hours before I was able to take a stand and walk away from the thoughts and words that were not serving me. No matter how hard she tries to tell me she is still a presence in my life even with me knowing this time, I am in control of her. She isn’t a secret. She is now only the lodger in my mind and nothing more.
Other times, it is far simpler. My old professional self came back to haunt me today and taunt me of my ‘unfulfilled potential’. My mind’s response to a text from my old partner in crime, who is still in the game. But as I sat around a kitchen table, surrounded by happy kids and a friend eating BBQ in the rain, I know I have made the right choice for me but more importantly my boys; my unfulfilled potential is nothing compared to the fulfilment I gain from influencing and guiding their full potential, nurtured by love and attention.
My demons. Without them I wonder who I would be? Over a sip of wine, I recognise they have made me a stronger person, more determined, more steadfast, more resolute. And in the long run, a far happier person and being true to myself. And that is the best demon repellent!