I look at my screen saver and it reminds me that ‘all is good in my world.’ And it is.
So what is this niggling feeling of discontent? A knot in my stomach and an frustrated itch of annoyance that I can’t quite shake and I can’t quite work out where it stems from.
And as that niggle is elusive, other little niggles, niggle it even more. Like the pop of nerf gun wars, the dog disappearing only to be found by kindly car owners stopping to catch her, the dog whining (all day) as she is tied up to save herself, the smell of cat litter, the lack of pound coins for a trolley in a contactless car park, spilt milk, a smashed cream carton, the masticating of food, rice on the floor, the elephant feet thundering on the floor above, the scream of an overtired boy, the scatter of gravel and the squeal of brakes, the twinge of my back from lifting dead weight sleeping child, the lack of bad chocolate in the house.
The little niggles. Nothing. There every day to gloss over and in a way be glad they are there and noticed, better to have some friction than none at all, or I would slip up on the boredom.
So what is the underlying niggle? It is on the peripheral of my consciousness, darting away before I can catch it. Tomorrow, I will be still enough to let it reveal itself to me and then I can catch it and smooth it away.
I don’t want to end up like Blackadder… constantly grumpy and annoyed.