There is a rare peace this evening in the house at around 6.30pm, when usually there is the carnage of hyped up fed little men, coinciding with hungry animals and the early arrival of the Big Man and I am not rushing to clear up plates, feed the animals, prepare supper, empty the dishwasher or load the washing machine.
I am basking in this peace because it is and will be a very big rarity as we embark on the next 30 day adventure.
It is our last night as 4 under one roof, until recently only 3, and overnight we are doubling to 6, a dog and a cat. The ‘Big Move’ is about to kick off as the Grandparents (also the ‘in-laws) are moving in and there is a period of crossover before we move on and out.
To say I am nervous is an understatement. It was only a short while ago, maybe as little as 5 weeks ago, I was struggling to be in the same room for any great length of time, under their watchful, concerned, troubled gazes. I am more at ease now but worry what will happen when the next wave of grief and darkness hits and I need my solitude, my space in order to let it pass by without being stirred up in to a tornado.
But in this moment, does it matter? Everyone is out. Granny is shopping for tea, Grandpa has taken the boys out for a ride and the Big Man is at the gym. So the truth could be that I will get my space and more of it.
As I reflect and let the worry go, I think of my day, in particular I am reminded of the words from a podcast I was listening to, which was interesting.
The guest speaker was talking about goals and visions and how while they were important, they hadn’t been as helpful to him as intention, creativity and flow. Goals and visions had been too prescriptive and alongside the words, ‘I am going to’ meant he came from a place of lack; “I am going to I am going to be happy, I am going to sell 1 million books, I am going to fill 2000 seats..” only implied he didn’t have it, that he was only on day 1 of a long journey and excited for something that was going to happen in the future.
He turned this around and started thinking with intent, continued to do what he was enjoying doing, and being open to what came to him. He believes you need to get to the point that you are so happy with what you are doing right now, connecting with yourself now so that you don’t need anything else. When you don’t need anything, you become free and open to opportunities that may lead you to far greater, more creative, more enjoyable, happier times.
I also thought his comments on vision boards were interesting, especially as a fan of vision boards personally and seen them help the manifestation process. However, he says they also show your old story of lack and doubt, coming from your head and a script, rather than from your heart. His vision boards are all about falling in love with the not knowing what is going to happen, and just showing up, choosing what you love to do and what feels good in the moment.
“I love not knowing! And let everything unfold in its own way and it is perfect!”
With that in mind, I am living in the moment, enjoying the peace and quiet to reflect on his interview, what is happening right now in the peace and quiet what I did today, which was the product of creative flow.
What I was asked to do today was totally out of my comfort zone, totally new and random but came from a place of love for the people, a project and my sense of fun.