Melancholy happiness

Melancholy.  Such a pretty, light, flighty word for such a heavy, lonely feeling.


I recall after other big shocks of loss in my life, almost like a tsunami, there is the initial overwhelming wall of grief and devastation and then there has always been an after tremor, slightly milder, but still pretty harrowing.  After the loss of our first baby, it was about 5 months afterwards; after the death of Mumbo about 6 months.  And so this would make sense.


There is no quick fix.  Just recognition that it is here.  And that it will pass.


I have help; professional as well as the arms and ears of loved ones.


And I have my happiness rock, back in my pocket, so that each time the grief squeezes, I can reach for it, feel its smoothness, look at the word and remind myself that happiness is still within me, just shrouded in a cloud that will pass.  I love the metaphoric vision that Happiness is in my hands.

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