Faith. I have a lot of it. But it isn’t something I have had to call on lately, or at least not for something I really, really want to happen.
Instead I have just had a strong belief.
The last time I had to upgrade from belief to faith was when I had lost a baby and was desperate, to the point of guttural anguish and pain, for a family. Each time a friend would happily announce their pregnancy or every time my path crossed with a smiling, stomach stroking, content pregnant lady on the street, supermarket aisle or dog walk, I would call on my inner faith. Faith that everything would be ok. Faith that in time I would have my family, no matter what path we ended up taking, no matter how much time passed.
Faith. For me, is different to belief.
I believe that belief (for me, anyway) is when I have some element of control through the daily choices I make, the path I am walking. Belief when trying for a baby was taking care of myself, eating healthily and exercising so that I would have the ultimate host body and of course, doing the obvious… a lot, leaving nothing to chance.
I believe that faith (for me, anyway) is letting go of the ‘how’ and dreaming of the ‘why’ you want something to happen, visualising it as a given outcome and knowing that something far greater than any act or choice you make is in charge of your destiny and that destiny is everything you could want or better.
I am calling on faith now, in my current situation. To this point, I have had a strong belief that everything would work out ok, better than ok and far better than it ever has been. I have been making daily choices to be happy, see the good, rejoice in the small things and every day things; I have been consistent and committed in the daily practices to move towards a miraculous shift in perception of our situation; I have consciously chosen what path to take, which people to surround myself with, which houses to look at, where to rebuild our home, our life and our new found love.
But now it is time for faith. It is time to release control, relax and hand over the reins to that far greater ‘something’ – The Universe, God, Buddha, Allah or any other religious icon. It is time to trust that the dream I hold in my mind will come magnificently to fruition.
Until then, I continue with my #breakingbadhabits with a couple of small projects now that I am able to move. Nothing too serious or taxing and just for fun.
Project 1: I had upgraded my pj’s to joggers and hoodies but now, I have given myself a small challenge, mini project. At 41, I want to find my fashion style. Long gone are the pin stripe suits, but I want a little more glam than my staple jeans or my running leggings. I want to find my style, so as well as a blog a day, I am trying a new style a day and capturing my journey on pinterest (my current source of inspiration so that I don’t look a complete fool).
Project 2: To get out of the house (and therefore have to get dressed), I am on a quest to find the best places to write and get a good coffee. To be a writer, one has to write. And I want to write more than just about my story and my thoughts. So I have started to document my journey of writing based on the independent coffee/tea houses of the north.