In the project of #breakingbadhabits, I continue to step out of my usual routine and cycles.
Today’s opportunity wasn’t really breaking a bad habit at all, but more of an experiment to do something different. Practice on the small things, un-scary things and it becomes a habit to be brave.. that’s my thought process anyway. Rather than listen to recorded tinkling on my phone, I listened to real life birds singing outside my window as I appreciated the sun warming my face, was grateful for life, health, love and family, did a body scan and practiced exercising my mind muscle.
Not only was it beautifully different, it reminded me of how far I have come. The music and the tinkling water or bells previously a distraction from my dark and busy mind.
I heard a beautiful quote recently that really sums up the experience, a quote by Cheryl Strayed (my new favourite author and speaker) explaining what her mother used to say to her and her siblings if they had had a bad day or if they were complaining.
“Life will be a struggle but you don’t have to stay there. You can put yourself in the way of beauty.”
Just before I decided to break my mindfulness routine, I was feeling rather overwhelmed.
Overwhelmed by the feeling of and receiving of love, attention, appreciation, gentleness, kindness and desire bringing forth a magnifying glass and making it all rather apparent that it had been lacking for so long; I just hadn’t realised it slowly seeping away, almost drying up, only the odd oasis I know question as perhaps a mirage.
And the little voice of my current high healed saboteur, clicking her heals and tormenting me with her swishy hair, and coquettish question, ‘where do you think it was being channelled instead?’
But with the flick of the volume nob and a freeze frame, she is gone.
And there is just the sunlight, the birds and the moment. I put myself in the way of a moment of beauty. And the cloak of mental struggle, darkness slipped away and I am left wrapped in the warmth of a blanket of peace.