It feels so good to be living and breathing back in a beautiful state, rather than a lousy one, high energy rather than low. To have the good feelings of joy, happiness, vitality, fun rather than the negative feelings of anger, jealousy, frustration, boredom.
Talking of boredom, I am actually delighted to recognise that I was bored. The frustration, the low on Monday and Tuesday, in reality was simply that. Boredom. A return back to life, to only be bored by it. Thank goodness for my friends and my Angel of Hope and Inspiration for helping me realise that. Thank goodness for the focus on #breakingbadhabits and Mel Robbins and her call to action of 54321 Launch!
The boredom is a sure sign of healing. That the deep wound is beginning to mesh together, ready for a scab to form, a scar to be left to gently pale, a reminder of strength and growth and how magical and incredible the body, and mind, is.
Today, I had that wonderful feeling of deep joy, inner peace in realising ‘What’s not to love about today?’
Finally, empty laundry bins and no ironing in the basket!
Word Book Day and Willy with a saucepan on his head.
Tom finding money on the path and buying me a chocolate bar from tuck shop.
Brisk walks and furious chatting, slipping in mud, keeping the pram steady over the tree roots.
Making notes, outlining my synopsis, dreaming up the words of my first chapter, visualising the book cover.. butterflies in my tummy.
A lady of mature age offering me her dogeared token from her little purse as she saw I had steak in my trolley. (oh! Heart swelling moment… must remember to be like that.)
Daffodils beginning to line sides of the road, nestled in shady unexpected shadows of the trees and on my dining room table.
Kissing. The kind of kissing where soft lips meet so gently so that melt your heart, knees and anger.
I wrote that earlier today after the words tumbled out of my head in the car, as the rain poured down.
And then that Mischievous Monkey scampered in, reminding me that everything hadn’t been right in my world and that everything was completely the opposite, I was just in the dark.
While carrying out a task, almost favour, it was as if the plug of happiness has been pulled out, or the joy switch flicked and my frequency went from super high to down right low base frequency.
I am big on frequency. I believe Albert Einstein’s words and that they apply not only to things, but to us, human beings and which frequency we choose to live in – the beautiful state brings beauty and more love and good; the lousy state as it suggests.
“Everything is energy and that is all there is too it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics.”
How do I flick that switch back? Is it as simple as Tony Robbins says? Just change your thoughts in your head, he says. Our heads just a machine that has been wired to protect us, originally from the sabre tooth tiger, but now they are extinct, the negative thoughts protect us from trivia, past experiences biting us or what people think of us.
It takes practice. ‘Mindfulness’. And time.
I allowed myself to go down the rabbit hole, get angry, allow the anger to flow through. Follow the leads. Close it down. Shut it in the black box. Sat on it. Breathed.
And re-read what I wrote earlier.
I am not yet back up on high frequency mode, but the nob is being slowly turned in the right direction.
Especially as I am sat with the boys watching the original of Annie and the soundtrack ‘It’s a hard knock life!’, a message from that Mischievous Monkey – bring the fun back, let in the light even in the darkest and hardest of times.