Truth and lies

With my heart benefitting from a few stitches to bring the two pieces back together, it is now the turn of my head to split open.
Maybe it is sugar and toxin withdrawal.
Maybe it is the end of a blocked sinus related cold.
Maybe it is just a headache.
But I strongly suspect, that despite my mindfulness efforts, my head is broken. The constant torture of truth and lies, then and now… for truth and lies have the same sound, it is the mind that determines what to believe.
The same words said by the man then and the man now – different men in the same body. My mind feeling the truth then but my mind feeding me lies to believe, to keep my family, my life, myself together yet preventing me from honesty.
My mind feeling the truth now but my mind feeding me lies to believe, to protect me, keep me from further hurt and yet preventing me from moving on.
The overwhelming truth and lies making me now not believe. In anything. Mostly myself. 
While the pain of my heart subsides, my head hurts.
I look forward to tomorrow.

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