So we move swiftly from the rollercoaster of marriage, infidelity, relationships, heartbreak that I survived as it plummeted to the deepest and darkest of depths, looping the loop with moments of suspension, seemingly floating above the surface to breathe and feel the warmth of the sun to triggered painful memories, diving right back down again to the chilling clench of heartache. The corkscrews coming faster and harder until they suddenly lurched to a complete whiplashing halt.
That’s when I chose to get off that rollercoaster and with trembling knees started to take those first steps away, with positive intentions, shaken but by no means out of the game.
And now it seems that we are on the rollercoaster of the British housing market. And I am reminded why a house move is right up there on most stressful life events along with divorce and death. All of which involve love and loss.
The love of a beautiful house, that in your mind you make your home, imagine your things, your family, your future in. Day dreaming, decorating, dancing, only to have it taken away and similar to divorce and death, it is usually totally out of our own control, or influence. Day dreaming has been a huge part of my healing; knowing the next step of our future, where we were going to rebuild our life helped me believe it was going to be possible. Losing the first home in reality, made my dreams of a future shatter and had me plummet sharply and believe all was lost, my heart falling out of my chest to shatter on the floor.
As I reflect this evening on our current dream house slipping away, I realise that this dream house was far ‘dreamier’ than the one that got away a month ago. Losing the first one opened my mind to so much more, releasing many limitations, pushing out the boundaries. And once those limitations have been stretched, they can’t go back.
And as I read my evening gratitude passage, I realise that there are bigger things at play.
“Float through life and try not to resist challenges when they come. Resisting them holds them to you. Focus your mind on what you want, and then float above the challenging or negative things. Imagine you are way up in the sky and looking down on the little dot of negativity. When you do this, you are detaching yourself from the negativity and seeing it for what it really is.
This one little process will keep you from drowning in a negative situation.”
And after the slow climb to the dizzy height at the top of this rollercoaster, as I look down on this little dot of a beautiful potential home, my horizons are broadened yet again. We were leaving the county…. But from up here, there are many more counties, countries even! The world is our oyster. And this little challenge will be a small blip to redirect us on our true path together.
Together, it doesn’t really matter what bricks and mortar, or stone and slate, wattle and daub make our home, the 4 of us, the cat and the dog (maybe the dog!), our hopes, our dreams, our laughter, our love make the feeling of home.
And as I tuck in to my bag of chocolate buttons to chomp through the negativity, and watch ‘Death in Paradise’ to laugh at Kris Marshall to drown the negativity with positivity, perhaps our dream home will be on a beach?!