I heard a wonderful ‘Pause for Thought’ on Radio 2 by Father Brian last week and his words continue to float across my mind, a few phrases in particular.
‘Don’t give the key to your happiness to someone else.’ His words cementing exactly what I am learning on my journey to re-find my inner joy and show and share my happiness with no shame, no embarrassment and no guilt with the world. The only person I can rely on to be happy, allow myself to be happy, is me. The only person holding me back is me, my thoughts, my concerns, my fears about the future and the silent judgement of others, whispering just beyond my earshot.
‘Crushed grapes make delicious wine,’ Father Brian quips, as he refers to the times when pressure can be good, can be a force to improve situations, rather than make them crumble. And I am becoming more and more open to believing that; that if the ‘grape’ is good, then the ‘wine’ can be richer, more mature, more full, flavoursome and one to savour and appreciate over time. So if our first marriage was the grape, our second one could be vintage.
‘If you think you can’t paint, then start painting and the voice will be silenced.’ Referring to Vincent Van Gogh, he explains how the unappreciated painter, crippled by depression, continued to paint, despite his feelings of despair and lack of confidence, to fuel the belief that he was an artist. And as I sat waiting around all morning for the fog and mist to lift, so I could run with the sun on my face, I realised that just like depression, I could sit and wait for the mist to dissolve or move on, tell myself it was too cold to run… or I could add 2 more layers, a hat and gloves and get my sorry arse out there and run.
And run I did and I felt so much better for it, the fog in my mind lifting; the hate in my heart and mind dissolving and the voice in my head saying, ‘If you think you can’t love, then start loving and the voice will be silenced.’
Thanks Father Brian: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p04rdwww