In my new favourite film, ‘Eat pray love’, Ketut tells ‘Leeeez’ to spend at least 5 minutes a day smiling with her face and with her liver; until the smile stuck. She had to practice smiling. She had to practice being happy. She had to practice daily what she wanted to feel and be.
So the first step is to work out who and what that is. Your identity: answering the question who are you?
Identity was a key theme for me today. It was the chapter in my book ‘Living & Loving after Betrayal’ by Steven Stosny which is just so helpful, especially as it applies all the teachings of other books I love to read and puts it in context with my current situation. And that is something which I was struggling and getting frustrated at not being able to do.
Today the chapter was very clear about how to create a ‘healing’ identity, one which focusses on your own values and strengths, to promote healing and growth to overcome the event. The healing identity is one where you focus on who you are, rather than the ‘victim’ identity which focusses on an event and the circumstances, the blame, the unfairness and the damage.
“Although her relationship was damaged beyond repair, she was not damaged in any way – not as a person, parent, friend or employee. Her personal qualities, her values, her spirit and all her talents and abilities were intact requiring only her attention to flourish.”
It was such a huge relief. I am not damaged. I am still me. Underneath the pain. And I will be when I venture out of my watery recluse period.
So while I am down here, I just have to practice living my values. The ones on my 5 point star, the ones I read out each morning, the top one being, ‘I love laughing daily’, just as Liz had to practice smiling.
And as if by magic, I opened the Christmas card sent by my sister. And I burst out laughing.
What is the identity of the white blobs? Snow men with boobies? Or Polar bears looking at the stars?