The Universe certainly gives you signs.  And today, it gave me the Serenity prayer:

 

‘Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.’

 

And also the words ‘You can’t change the past. All you can do is accept it and let go.’

 

And while I was in my heart space, those words gave me hope and courage and a reason to keep calm.

 

But while I am in my head space, I am frustrated and agitated by those very same words.

 

My head is a torrent of angry thoughts, a reflection and a complete dichotomy of how I felt just 10 days ago: focussing on the abundance of the future, seeing love and not feeling fear.

 

My head shouting – “but how can you accept what you don’t know?  How can you forgive if you don’t know the extent of which you don’t know?”

 

My heart pleading – “it’s done, move on;  there is so much love, regret, remorse and support around right now.  Forget the past and move on.”

 

But my head is shouting the loudest and I have no choice but to satiate it’s appeals.

 

I am very equal in being left and right brained…  just as much creative and visionary as I am analytical and factual.   My mind has done a complete U-turn and my analytical, factual side has taken over… telling Louse Hay and her forgiveness and her acceptance nonsense to butt out!

 

So today, I did what I do best;  I asked the right questions, I followed the answers, the clues and found more and more details.  I formed a spreadsheet of costs and a timeline of events.  Heart breaking.  Shattering.  Overwhelming.

 

But at least I know.

 

At least I know the extent.  At least I know the magnitude of what my heart needs to accept and hopefully, maybe, forgive even if it can’t forget.

 

And maybe now that I know the extent of the situation, maybe now I can have the serenity to know that I can’t change it, and perhaps I can  have the courage to  start the process and change how I feel about it.

 

And above all, I will have learnt from it and will have the wisdom to make sure it can never happen again.