A couple of words were poignant for me today…
Disease. Dis-ease. I remember hearing that in ‘The Secret’. Illness and disease stems from dis-ease… being ill at ease. When we harbour bad feelings or thoughts about something, someone, some situation. Those negative energies cause stress and stress can be the instigator of illness, both mentally and physically.
I know I put a lot of pressure on myself. To contribute financially to our life through my job, my business but also to be a standout Mum to my boys.. providing them a safe haven as well as an environment of calm (not always the case on a morning!) and inspiration. I also put a lot of pressure on myself to ensure that I have enough time for me, my life, my hobbies, my joy.
All that pressure compounded over time and throw in some grief, some anger and frustration and the out of the boiling pot comes stress, dis-ease… and my body shutting down to tell me to chill out.
Communication. In the calm after the 20 minute storm of getting the boys up, fed, cleaned, dressed and tidy and out of the door, the Big Man and I had time to stop and talk as we went up in to the village to vote.
Now that his mind has been put at rest that I do not have meningititis, cancer or a brain tumour, he made me speak my mind. Pulled out my worries and fears and sadness. He tries to fix me, the situation. He finds it difficult to recognise my grief for a woman he found difficult (probably because they were so similar)… He finds it frustrating that I have lost my confidence, when he still finds me brilliant and doesn’t understand how I can accept a monthly salary that I used to earn in a morning…. He finds it stressful because we are at ‘crunch point’ with big commitments, big dreams and only one ‘big’ job.
But with communication, we air and share our worries and conclude we are a team… We have made our choices. We have made our choices for the best of our family happiness now and for the future. And now we just have to stick it out.
With a walk back from the polling station, maybe it is the fresh air and the conversation that eases my headache. Maybe it is the virus running its course.
Either way – I progressed from 4 hours additional day sleep to just needing 1 hour. I progressed from being supine in bed to actually making it downstairs to the sofa. I managed to feel hungry and eat…
The ‘dis-ease’ is lifting and as a lovely friend reminded me today , tomorrow is another day.