Some days, I sit and wonder what to write for my #365dayblogchallenge…   So much trivia in my head….

 

So I will go back to basic journalling and how I started…

• What was good about today and why?
• What wasn’t so good today, why and what would I do differently next time?
• What am I grateful for right now?

 

Today was brilliant fun!  My first experience of proper horse racing.  I have loved point to points since my teens, dolled up in my wellies and made 20p bets, drank beer from plastic cups and eaten sugary donuts on my way home with 10 people in my old brown Volvo!  Today, I got dressed up and had the most luxurious and laughter filled day as a guest of some of the loveliest people I have ever met and who the Big Man has the privilege daily to work with.  He is a lucky guy!

 

I also loved being soaked in the rain on my morning run…. A novel experience, as I would usually avoid it but I knew I needed to do it.  Loosen up before Sunday’s tri…. Plus the forecast is rain.  It was actually very enjoyable!  Cooling, refreshing… I was like a drowned rat!

 

The best bit was the couple of hours of quiet time after the boys left for school and the Big Man and I had some rare time together without being tired at the end of the day.  He may have teased me while I prioritised my mindfulness 20 minutes… ‘homming’ at me and throwing his pants on my head… but I don’t care!

 

Plus, I guess by now he knows it works for me.  And this morning, he knew I needed it after the first 40 minutes of the day were not the best.  Neither boy would wake up.  Neither little tired boy would get dressed, make their bed, eat breakfast, clean their teeth.  1 minute before their lift was due to arrive, I found Willy still in his room, by his unmade bed, in his pjyama’s playing lego.  He looked at me with big blue surprised eyes as I shouted at him to GET DRESSED!   Not my proudest moment as I lost the plot with him and then with Tom who had sprinkled shreddies all over the kitchen floor.

 

Meditation was needed to bring me down from my broken record fuelled rage.  So perhaps I need to get up before the boys, get the boys up earlier if they need longer to get ready these days as they are tired…   I have been lax on the marble challenge… I need to reintroduce the marbles for following the morning routine… Praise and incentivise, rather than shout and scream like a fish wife.

 

The other not so good experience today was seeing a beautiful bay horse pull up short just before the finish line in front of us… the owner coming running from the owner’s tent and big black sheeting go up and round very quickly.  I imagined initially to keep the horse calm by cutting out the view of the stands and noise of the crowds.  However, because we were up in the penthouse of restaurants, we could see in and over… The real reason for the black sheeting became obvious as the horse started to struggle, before falling to the floor.  The owner and jokey both leaning in to stroke the horse’s forelock and with a few final twitches of it’s legs it was still and the black sheets moved in and the horse trailer reversed in.

 

It rather shook me… but leads me rather quickly on to gratitude.

 

I am so grateful for life.  And seeing that beautiful horse racing elegantly one moment and a few short moments later lifeless in the middle of the emerald green of the race track, reminded me that life is for living, doing what you love, chasing your dreams and your goals … for you just don’t know when it will change on a pinhead and be over.  Better to die doing what you love, than living forever dissatisfied and lifeless.

 

I am so grateful for Grandpa.  Just because…. Just because of so many things but today for bringing the boys home and heating up a tin of beans so they didn’t starve.  For being our welcome home party and being so hospitable, inviting everyone off the bus in, to have a whisky!

 

I am so grateful for my little blue eyed boys sat next to me and that they still love me and want hugs and kisses on the sofa, despite my ugliness this morning.

 

I am so grateful for my soft, cosy slippers after being in killer heals all day…

 

I am so very grateful for the privileged life I am able to live, to spend time with inspirational people who continue to be so gracious and generous.

 

I am so grateful for the big glass of icy clean water I am about to drink and the cup of herbal tea I am going to take to a warm, comfy bed in a beautiful house, in a safe village and war free, democratic country.