There are always dates that stick in my memory… good… and bad. Today was not a good one.
But I have learnt so much recently about resentment, blame and finally forgiveness and I feel I have come a long way.
One of my favourite enlightened authors, Dr Wayne Dyer taught me how to forgive through his words on resentment and blame, feelings which only harm you more and deepen your despair. He says ‘the snake bite doesn’t kill you, it is the poison that flows through your veins that destroys you’.
The antidote to the poison is forgiveness… think of it as giving peace to yourself. He explains that after someone or some people have hurt you, what you carry around is just the feeling; the thoughts of anger, hatred and resentment can slowly disempower you. By releasing them, you can know peace.
He has a 15 step process to forgiveness which I have learnt to practice. Sometimes it is easy, sometimes less so. After the death of Mum, many old emotions related to old events were drawn to the surface and mixed in to the melting pot of grief. Grief for her loss, grief for the loss of trust, loss of authentic friendships.
One of the steps is to ‘learn to let go and be like water’… and that is very much in the same vein as Marrianne Williamson’s words from the other day – ‘soften’…
I can feel a softening of my prickles, my hardness, harshness…
I have learnt that holding on to resentment and anger will continue to thrive the more attention, fire and fuel I give them, making them more and more toxic… I know from experience, that it is often harder to let those feelings go, and easier to keep hold of them. It takes strength and courage to do the right thing.
Wayne, like Marrianne, talks about ending the pain with acts of kindness and love… and ultimately forgiveness.
So today, on a date that always stirs up difficult emotions, I took responsibility on how to respond and filled it with love.
Love for things that I love…
The love of having the Big Man home.. waking up to being next to him, being able to cuddle into him before the sound of the alarm, in the soft light of the morning.
The love of time I am able to spend with my boys over a relaxed breakfast, time reading to them from their favourite book of the moment by David Wallliams about Grandpa over tea…
The love of spending a day shopping with my biggest boy, loving seeing him growing up.
The love of cooking, spending time to cook good nutritious food for my family to keep them healthy.
The love of having my own business, researching and listening to how to be an entrepreneur, learning about health, toxins and how to help and serve others.
The love of exercise, a crazy RPM class, the first since Mum died and the love / hate feelings of burning lungs and legs and sweat in your hair.
The love of journaling, blogging, writing and emptying my head at the end of the day.