I’ve moved on from marmalade. Today was all about the honey sandwich. Paddington to Pooh. Who is next I wonder?!
I clock watched til 3am last night…. Clock watched in between coughing fits, sneezes, sneezes on top of sneezes, a blocked nose that at the same time doesn’t stop streaming. This has to be the virus from hell. The virus from nightmares.
As I lay in my frustrating insomnia mode, I day dreamed.
I day dreamed that my Mum walked into my room…
She brought me a hot honey and lemon, sat on my bed and stroked my head, rubbed vicks on my chest and said… ‘Don’t worry, darling. I’ve got this. I’ve got your back. I will look after you. I will look after the boys. You rest. I’ve got this.’
I daydreamed that my Dad was sat downstairs… ready to be taxi driver, ferrying the boys back and forth to school, clubs, playing games with them and watching James Bond.
I daydreamed of my Mum’s cooking. I daydreamed of her perfect, salty eggibo sandwiches on wholewheat bread.. I daydreamed of her perfectly whipped mashed potato with pepper and nutmeg with creamy, mustard and mushroom sauce….
I daydreamed of letting go of my responsibilities because I knew someone else had my back.
I know that my Mum would drop everything to help me out and make me feel better.
I know that, because I know that I would do that for my boys. If they are ill, they are no 1 priority to get better.
I know that my Mum would hold me close and cuddle me better regardless of germs, because I know I do that to my boys. I know I will do that for as long as they let me… even if they are 16, 21, 30, 40… older.
It was a wonderful daydream seeing my Mum, healthy, vibrant.
Waking up at 5am to my reality … the realization I do have responsibilities and regardless of how crap I feel, I will always drag my sorry arse out of bed, regardless of how terrible I look and make sure that they get safely to where they are meant to be, have eaten well, brushed their teeth, got clean clothes, done their homework, had cuddles and kisses…
19.33. The boys are asleep. I am in bed. I am looking forward to my daydream tonight.