The Secret…

It is no secret that I am a big fan of ‘The Secret’ by Rhonda Byrne… and also her book ‘The Magic’ which goes in to more detail about the importance of Gratitude…

I often wish that I had read these books earlier in my life. While there are some of the techniques I know I did subconsciously – for example, the daydreaming of my tall handsome prince, a house full of crazy children, big family Christmases, big house in the countryside…. Bedtime prayers giving thanks for good food and winning another lacrosse game, getting a promotion, a pay rise….

I didn’t do them regularly, nor did I understand the science behind them…..

Visualisation and daydreaming of a life you want in the future should be and for me is an uplifting experience. I have now even done guided meditations to meet my future self…. (the first time in a conference… and the second time on a crowded train to London in fact! Other travellers must have thought that rather strange – seeing someone plugged in to ear phones, eyes shut and crying!).

And at this point I do wonder whether my younger, less mature self would have been able to or even open to doing this? And at some points, I have felt that this was rather a materialistic thing to do… and didn’t always feel right as it seemed to come from a place of scarcity, feeling that I didn’t have enough so dreaming of more…

What I have found is that myself at this stage of life has totally benefitted from introducing these practices.   By meeting my future self, talking to her, I recognise the daily practices that she has done and continues to do to become this calm, serene, abundant, loving, selfless figure. By recognising them in the future, it is therefore easier for me to start implementing those practices in to my daily life today. Hence the early morning pilates, healthy eating, writing, sketching, spending as much time as possible with the boys. By speaking to her, I know the types of people she spends time with and so when I meet people, I know instinctively whether they are part of my future or just my present. By speaking to her, I know my purpose, it is cemented in my core for I know where I am going and because I know that, decision making becomes easy and if others try to influence me from my path, it is less easy for them to deter me, the less I care what they think – it’s not their future, it’s mine.

I recognise now that there is nothing wrong with knowing where you want to go. And I also recognise the importance of gratitude.

There is fantastic quote by Oprah Winfrey ‘ Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough’.

So while my evening prayers used to be sporadic, it is now a daily habit to list all the things in the day that I am grateful for… from my family, to the house we live in, friends, from the running water, to electricity… I go through a list of all the things I couldn’t do with out… It is amazing how long this list is… but as I run through it in my mind, I drift off to sleep. Maybe that is why I sleep like a dead person… I fall asleep in a state of gratitude.

Another practice I have recently started is another from the Secret. You can even buy Secret Gratitude Journals… one side of the page you write down all the things you are grateful for in your life right now and on the other, you write down all the things you are grateful for that you know will happen in the future.

I have only been doing this a week, but given how good my week has been so far, I am confident this practice has contributed to it. After my morning pilates, I am grateful for the day ahead and if I anticipate conflict or drama or difficulty in any part of my day ahead, I give thanks for the fact that it will go well…  or if not well, then the way it is meant to go

The books say that these practices – the visualisations and gratitudes – are all subconscious messages to your brain as well as to the universe to let it conspire to make what you want happen. The Law of Attraction.

And whether you are cynic or a believer, I overcame myself, my old negative, cynical frame of mind by asking myself ‘what was the worst that could happen?’ That I stayed negative and cynical by writing a few gratitudes down and believing in the future that I desired? I had nothing to lose.

And I have gained so much.

The positive attitude of my childhood has returned.

Daydreaming is fun!

Being grateful has made me less desperate, less competitive, more appreciative and far more abundant and giving, because I need less to make me happy.

I still feel that I am a long way from being the person I met in my meditations… but she was about 70… so I have 30 years to go to get it right.

And the best bit, I realize now, is enjoying the journey or adventure, I am currently on to get there… because I know, it will all be ok.

Just as it should be.

Because I told me, it would be.

And I believe her.

The Secret

Self Doubt and the unknown whisperer…

self belief - ali

Self doubt seems to be a recurring theme today…

I woke up with a sense of it…

It was the topic of the audio I downloaded and listened to today from a business coach…

It was the highlight of the chapter in my book today…

I am trying to make sense of it. Why today do I have this feeling? Why is everything pointing at learning and understanding it?

I am trying to make sense of it. Am I doubting myself as a mother, a daughter, a wife, a business owner, a friend, a person, an individual?

I am trying to make sense of it.

I am using all the tricks up my sleeve to get rid of it. For each doubting thought that enters my mind, I bat it back with an ace… Snow White standing up to Dobby…

It’s noisy in my head today…

Doubting Doris whispers in my right ear: so you think you are a bad mother: you think you spend more time with Tom than you do Willy? That’s why he had a melt down last week…

Someone whispers in my left: look at your beautiful boys, they are happy, healthy, well fed, amazing feedback from school. Tom had a meltdown too… It’s half term – they are both tired.

You are a good, patient and very loving mother.

Doubting Doris whispers in my right ear: so you think you have abandoned your Mum, leaving your Dad to fend for himself, looking for someone to look after him?

Someone whispers back: you did everything you could to get both your Mum and Dad safe… it’s good that Mum has been sectioned again today – another move would be another disruption… it’s good that your Dad can get on with his life! Let him!

You are a loyal, caring daughter.

Doubting Doris whispers in my ear: James is going to paris on Friday, choosing to go there rather than come to Cornwall with us… I haven’t been myself, I am sad and boring, he doesn’t want to be with me, the chaos, my family… not surprised he wants the luxury and sophistication of Paris!

Someone whispers back: that’s ridiculous! Utterly absurd. He lives in luxury and sophistication all week and is desperate every weekend to come home and have family time! This is business and an exciting opportunity…

You are a fantastically supportive, loving wife.

Doubting Doris whispers in my ear: why on earth did you think you could build a business from scratch? You know nothing about sales, marketing, skincare or health…

Someone whispers back: you have washed all your life, learnt about health through experience, you have coached teams to success for over 15 years, learnt new skills, become brilliant at them. There is nothing you can’t achieve once you are decided…

You are a success.  You have a thriving business.

Doubting Doris whispers in my ear: go back to work… go back to work… it’s what you know!

Someone whispers back:  The past is there to teach you and the future is there for the taking! Work didn’t work… for you or the family. Use your intuition… you can make this work! Change is evolution… it is a good thing. Embrace it!

You are brave.  You are strong enough to take the road less travelled.

Doubting Doris whispers in my ear: you are just a glorified taxi driver, gym bunny, professional coffee date goer…. That person you used to take pity on as you dashed in to throw your kids in to nursery and school…

Someone whispers back: you are so much more! Your children love having you around, you are a healthier happier version of you! You are doing all the things you have ever wanted – teach in schools, teach people to be healthy and happy, with your children when they need you, there for your parents, there for Mr OCD to proof read, QA check, brainstorm and be a sounding board…

You are living a life of abundance, richness and full of good things… you are lucky to have such a life!

Doubting Doris whispers in my ear: your blog is repetitive, boring, not helpful..

Someone whispers back: it’s helping you… out of your head and on to paper… What about all the positive comments you have received? How what you say resonates with others, how it has helped the them… look at the numbers of how many people read it! And anyway… who cares!? This was for you…

You are a writer.  You are a creative writer.  You are inspiring others.

Who is this someone who is fighting my corner? Giving me a pep talk… holding me up… ?

Could it be? It couldn’t be Self Belief could it?