Grieving and loving

So, if yesterday was about the happiness obsession, today is about the positivity obsession.

I couldn’t sleep last night.  2 years ago, my Mumbo died at 1.45am.

I went through a period of time when I was obsessed with positivity, how thoughts and beliefs drive your reality.  I would bat bad feelings and negative thoughts and emotions away with good vibes.  Even when Mumbo died, I did the same, focussed on the positive and how much better she was out of her Alzheimer’s cage, free to the world again.

I realise now, all I did was trap in my grief.  All of it became intertwined with the emotions and negative spiral of the last 16 months;  a double grief.  To protect it, I closed my heart and it destroyed my peace..

While there is so much good work going on around the world about positivity, I have found in order to let go of any negative thought patterns, you have to let the sadness in, so that it can work its way out.  Suppression of an emotion is just a way to magnify it.

There will be so many times in life that we grieve a loss;  whether it be for a person, a life, a job, a belonging.  And that grief is just the price we pay for loving.  If we didn’t grieve, if we didn’t feel sad, lonely, despair and alone, if we didn’t feel those feelings, then we are almost as dead and gone as those that we have lost.

Marianne Williamson says that love is energy and the source of the only truth;  anything that is not borne of love is just an hallucination.

So today, I allowed the melancholy in.  The melancholy that is born of a love for the one who bore me.

In doing so I was rewarded with the sight of a beautiful sculpture of a kingfisher diving.  Shortly after she died, my Mumbo came to me in a guided meditation as a glorious Kingfisher.  As I marvelled at the beauty of this creation, I felt her energy and her love around me.

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