This last week, I feel I have been writing a satire. A dark satire.
The irony and ridicule all about me; shaming me. Exposing the two sides of me. The dark side and the light side. The imaginary witches in my mind. The ugly, long nosed, talon fingered, hunchback cackling with glee at how she tricked the light-hearted, joyful, happy, pretty version of me in to the hidden and lost crevices of my mind. The bright version of me, is diminished, hanging on to the bars, desperately trying to get out; shrinking in the growing shadow of her nemesis.
Is this the true version of me? No wonder I question everyone – how could they possibly love, or even like this hideous beast? I don’t. She is scary, evil, jealous and wrinkly. How can I possibly trust anyone, when I don’t even trust myself?
This witch has stolen my naivety, my positivity, my happiness. She has swept them under her long billowing black skirts.
How do I get them out? How do I unlock the trapped girl, so desperate to escape?
Everyone has a dark side. A shadow. Mine comes out on paper. As I write my thoughts and feelings in to characters, it is easier to recognise who I want to be. The scribing process often turns the keys of escape and allows for role reversal.
But this satire has been going on too long now. One side holding all the power, the balance tipped too far gone.
Strangely, today’s #womenwhoflourish challenge is apt: what can I do to make today great? In a day of cancellations, I find I have a free day. And I can hear the whispers from within my cage – go and connect with people at the Acorn, write about your witches and set me free, and then go walking in the sun.
Will those small things be enough? I seem to take small steps forward, grow in confidence a little but get plunged back in to darkness as some small trigger will hand the power back to the dark side.
I know it is time to seek help. Talking of witches in my head, sounds nigh on crazy!
I did 2 out of the 3 things I put on my list today, but the snow storms put a stop to my walk in the sun! But I did smile a lot more today; mainly at my dark witch.
And I smiled especially at the message I received today from a deck of cards.